September 29 , 2004

CLICK HERE TO  SUBSCRIBE

FASAP AND THE WORK/LIFE RESOURCE CENTER WANT TO SPREAD THE WORD

A representative of FASAP and the WLRC can come to your department or staff meeting a make a short (10 to 20 minute) presentation on the range of services that are offered by the two programs. 

To arrange a presentation please call 936-8660 and speak to a program representative.

< back to top >

The Unexpected Keys to Untangling a Dispute:
Do It Yourself Dispute Resolution
by Sally Johnson, Mediation Services

Disagreement? How disagreeable! There is an upside, though: it is a great opportunity to find out something you didn’t know before, namely, the other persons point of view – “where they’re coming from.”

Disagreement is as natural to the human being as breathing, and it’s not a sign of personality problems. You have one set of experiences; I have another. Sometimes we have needs that conflict.

Happily, conflict management experts agree that there is one easy, always available and inexpensive tool at your disposal to resolve a disagreement. It is simply listening.

Funny thing, though: when I’m irritated with you, that’s when I LEAST want to listen to you. And not wanting to listen is also as natural as breathing. In a dispute, I’m convinced I’m right, and I want YOU to listen. And since you are almost surely feeling the same way, and neither of us is listening, we’re stuck!

Here’s how to make listening work for you, even when it’s hard to do:

  • Back off and think.
  • When I am upset, there are physical, chemical changes in my body affecting my feelings, my non-verbals, and even my thinking. At the moment, I’m NOT a good problem solver.
  • Counting to ten, deep breathing, taking a fast walk around the building (or even running out to the parking lot for a primal scream!): these actions can all return the body to its normal rational state.
  • This gives me time to consider whether and how to approach the other person.
  • What set me off? What am I really upset about?
    • What’s the problem that needs resolving between me and this person?
    • Is this really important to address, or is it too petty to matter? (Let’s face it – we all have our petty moments.)
    • Am I jumping to conclusions about the other person’s motives?
  • Let the other person know you’re troubled – but do it gently.
    • You’ve been thinking seriously about the problem, but you may be taking the other person by surprise.
    • Find a quiet, private way to say, “I’m upset about X, and I’d like to find a time we can talk about it.”
    • You are extending an invitation, not a challenge. It should be collegial at least – if not downright friendly.
    • Your invitation is best – most personal and inviting – face to face.
    • And this is CRITICAL: NEVER does this over e-mail!!!! We mean NEVER!!!

Why is this critical? E-mail by its nature feels abrupt and demanding. When the subject is a disagreement, it can even seem hostile. It almost always generates a return e-mail, equally unfriendly, and now the problem is escalating out of control.

  • Schedule private time to talk.
    • Away from colleagues and co-workers.
    • Out of anyone’s hearing.
    • When you both have enough time to stay with it.
  • Invite the other person’s description of what happened, first.
    • The person initiating a problem-solving conversation needs to take responsibility for its effectiveness.
    • A person is much more likely to listen to you after they feel you have really heard them.
    • Even with your invitation, the other person may feel awkward or resentful. Your request to hear their story must be genuine, and may need repeating.
    • Example: “We probably don’t even see this situation the same way. Would you tell me what you remember about what happened, what seemed to go wrong, from your point of view?”
  • Stay with it until you get it.
    • Your purpose is to see the situation through the other person’s eyes, and to learn anything you may not have known about the situation.
    • Encourage the person to continue. Nodding is great.
    • Stifle any impulses that signal disagreement (rolling eyes, shaking head, snorting.)
    • If it’s not clear what they mean, ask.
    • Summarize what they told you, so they can confirm you got it.
  • Don’t argue with their story!!
    • This isn’t a debate.
    • It’s not about correcting their thinking.
    • It’s only about learning their view of the situation.
    • You may hear things that upset you or that you believe are dead wrong. It is certainly a test of strength to listen without responding, and that’s just what you need to do.
    • What you need to know is: what was going on in that person’s mind.
  • Ask if they’re willing to hear your side of what happened.
    • Once the other person agrees that you understood them…
    • Ask , “Would you be willing to listen to how I experienced it/what I thought?”

99 out of 100 people will say “sure,” even if they say it grudgingly. And once they have said that, they feel committed to listening. Try it. It works.

  • Describe exactly what you saw, thought, understood, or felt.
    • Make your points in ways that tell your story without blaming the other person.
    • “It seemed to me you were angry.” (Not “You were angry.”)
    • “I felt like I couldn’t count on you.” (Not: “I realized you weren’t dependable.”)
    • “I was too uncomfortable to say anything.” (Not: “It was impossible to deal with you.”)
  • Take time to mull it over together.
    • Did you each “get” what the other meant?
    • Is there a different picture of the situation emerging?
    • Are there further questions you have raised for each other?
    • What do you now see as the problem that needs solving?
    • Is this an occasion to “agree to disagree?” Are you willing to live peaceably with that?
  • What’s the resolution? Work it out together.
    • What suggestions might work well for both of you?
    • What might you be willing to change?
    • What do you still want the other person to change?
    • Is there something you could try out for a week or too, and then check to see if it’s working?

Congratulations! You’ve done it! The problem may have just evaporated, or maybe you’ll have to try out your solution to know it works. Patience is helpful. But first, pat yourself on the shoulder. Hard work, good job.

And one final point: Find a way to say thanks to the other person for working this through with you. It wasn’t easy for them, either.

For information on Mediation Services or to discuss “how to make listening work for you”
Contact Sally Johnson at (734)615-4789 or email mediation.services@umich.edu
Mediation Services web site is: http://www.umich.edu/~mediate/contact.htm

< back to top >

Know anyone who might need back-up childcare or emergency childcare?

Please call the Work/Life Resource Center at (734) 936-8677 to register for the Kids Kare at Home program. Or email worklife@umich.edu

Visit our website at http://www.umich.edu/~hraa/worklife/index.html

 

< back to top >

What Managers Should Know about Gender-Based Workplace Stress
by Leslie de Pietro, Work/Life Resource Center

A new study by the health education firm LLuminari has found that one in three Americans may be making themselves sick just by going to work each day. A new landmark study shows that differences in the way men and women are managed—fueled by the differences in what they value most at work—puts both genders at risk for cardiovascular problems, depression and infectious diseases. The study indicates that gender-based differences in workplace values can create a culture of underlying stress and conflict that affects their physical and emotional health.

At work, men most value pay and benefits, achievement and success, and status and authority. Women, on the other hand, value friends and relationships, recognition and respect, and communication and collaboration. Although men and women respond differently to stress, both feel stressed when their values are not addressed by the culture of the organization for which they work.

The top five work-related causes of stress and ill health, in order of severity are: mentally tiring work; time pressure; too many changes within the job; not getting enough feedback; and not having enough influence on their job and how it is done.

According to the study, the incidence of cardiovascular disease doubles, as does the use of potentially addictive substances like alcohol and tranquilizers, if an employee is overly stressed at work. Other findings:

  • 62 percent of those surveyed didn’t think their employers try to minimize stress and half felt their employer didn’t care about their well-being
  • 20 percent said that work regularly interfered with responsibilities at home and kept them from spending enough time with their families
  • Almost 50 percent of respondents do not take their allotted vacation time
  • Female and male managers who are sensitive to gender differences will have the ability to bring out the best of both genders toward achieving results.

LLuminari’s CEO Elizabeth Browning commented: “[We need to] try and reduce stress in the workplace—especially along gender lines—as a way of improving employee health and helping to contain health care costs. There’s no question that the price we pay for a chronically unpleasant experience at work is a rising bill for the illnesses that result. If we value our people, the best metric of success should be the health of the employees.”

The study was conducted by P. Michael Peterson, Professor of Health Promotion at the University of Delaware. More than 1100 men and women from companies with 1,000+ employees participated in the on-line survey.

Leslie de Pietro can be reached at (734) 936-8677 or by email at worklife@umich.edu

Visit our website at http://www.umich.edu/~hraa/worklife/index.html

For more information about health-related programs at U of M, please click on: http://www.umich.edu/~fasap/health/wellness.htm

For further information about changing the culture in positive directions, visit the Building Great Places to Work website: http://www.umich.edu/~hraa/greatplaces/

 

< back to top >

EVER THOUGHT ABOUT BEING MORE CREATIVE?
by Tom Waldecker, Faculty and Staff Assistance Program

Each of us can learn to be more creative! Often when we define “who is creative” we think of artists, musicians, scientists etc, and not ourselves. As we “grow up” we often begin to develop many habits of learning and ways of doing things and tend to not think outside of our normal experiences and patterns very often. We can develop our ability to be more creative. Studies and research have found that one of the significant determining factors in who is creative is ones own personal believe if they are or are not! So with that in mind it is important to stress that we can learn to tap our creative juices (brain waves).

Several factors that influence whether or not we will be more creative. One of the foremost and crucial ones is our willingness to take a risk. Secondly is being able to find ways to change and get new perceptions. So how does one get a new perception or outlook? How do we get to the point we feel like it is okay to take a risk?

There are a lot of resources throughout the web and in texts on how to tap into creativity. So I would encourage you to just start searching. Also, let us suggest that you think about how I can look at things (anything) differently. There are some simple ways to start and let me suggest a few;

  • Move where you sit in your office or home
  • Take a walk in a different route each day and write down what you observe
  • Begin writing down all of your thoughts as soon as you awake in the morning. In our “theta brain wave” state we are more able to touch base with all of our unconscious thoughts and ideas before we are engaged in actives and commitments for the day.
  • Drive home a different route every day
  • Ask others what their thoughts are on a topic and then consciously tell yourself I will sleep on the pros and cons of what they suggested for the night and get back with them (while we sleep on them our brain will process and sort out many of our own thoughts on the matter).
  • Begin more brainstorming activities, for example list of all of the pros and cons of any decision you might make and List them all, even if they seem peculiar
  • Open a dictionary page each day and go to the first word you do not know and learn about it, do a web search on it STIMULATION generates new thoughts.

As we develop new skills we need to practice them and share with others. Frequently many have shared that they have begun to think more broadly after they have shared their personal thoughts with someone else and just asked for thoughts on the topic, (does not have to be followed, just listened to).

Following are some other simple ways that we can to begin to break out of a rut or begin to develop our creativity.

  • Create a Challenge for the week, explore something new each week! Read a magazine, book or search a topic normally not in your sphere of interest
  • Learn “Mind Mapping” buy set of colored pens/pencils and crate a set of symbols or images and create a visual library
  • Keep a journal or your thoughts and observations during the day
  • Rearrange your office or home (or both) furniture
  • Do something you have always wanted to do, but have kept postponing
  • Buy a set of audio tapes to listen to while traveling to and from work
  • Do association thinking – write a word on a piece of paper and then draw lines from the word and note your thoughts

The decision is JUST start somewhere by DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT and LOOK AT THINGS DIFFERENTLY.

If your feeling stuck in your routines and would like to discuss ways to be more creative or address any other issues of daily living that you may be facing FASAP counselors are available by calling (734) 936-8660 or by emailing fasap@umich.edu, Tom Waldecker can be reached at tomwal@umich.edu

*Hospital employees, call the EAP at 763-5409

< back to top >

STAFF PROFILES
 Lorna Hurl, FASAP

Lorna Hurl joined the FASAP program in early 1997 as the Faculty Counselor. She received her Ph. D. from the University of Toronto, and undergraduate degrees from Canadian and Australian universities. Her work history includes counseling in child welfare, health and community mental health services as well as faculty positions in Social Work at McMaster University and the University if Windsor in Canada. As her history suggests, Lorna is originally from Canada, but she now holds both Canadian and American citizenships.

Lorna enjoys working in the FASAP program. Her background gives her special expertise in working with faculty, but she also works with staff, dependents, retirees and graduate student employees.

 

< back to top >

Karen Semenuk, FASAP

Karen Semenuk has been providing employee assistance services to university faculty, staff, and family members for the past 18 years in her position as a counselor with the Faculty and Staff Assistance Program. She has undergraduate (EMU) and graduate (UM) degrees in social work and previous to joining FASAP worked in a variety of human service settings including education, rehabilitation, substance abuse, and family services.

In her tenure at FASAP her interest in work place concerns has evolved to include special projects/research and program development in the areas of job stress, injured workers, and employee wellness. She particularly enjoys problem-solving with clients about their work/career challenges and comments on this experience as follows, “I find that individuals often just need a neutral venue to explore their options, a little guidance, and permission to “go inside” and be creative in the resolution process. Venting can be important early-on and there certainly are difficult work/career stressors that warrant it, but usually people want to get to problem- solving as a part of their relief. I’m pleased when I can be a part of that.”

Karen strives to remain informed of internal and community resources for UM faculty and staff stating, “We at FASAP certainly cannot be experts at everything, but this is a community rich in service providers and there is also satisfaction in getting clients connected to a resource that can meet there needs.”

Karen has remained active in professional associations throughout her career and is the past president of the International Association of Employee Assistance Professionals in Education.

 

< back to top >

BROWN BAGS by FASAP & Work/Life Resource Center
by Tom Waldecker, Faculty & Staff Assistance Program

FASAP and the Work/Life Resource Center (WLRC) are offering eleven different Brown Bag presentations for the 2004-2005 academic year. Brown Bags are 45-60 minute presentations offered free of charge and available to any faculty or staff group or unit upon request. All sessions are provided at the requestor’s site and can be held over the lunch hour or are ideal for staff development sessions.

This year, two new Brown Bags are offered – Assert Yourself … With Ease and Cross-Culture Differences, in addition one topic is being brought back after a five year hiatus “Improving Family Communication”. For a complete listing of Brown Bags and a brief description of each, click here. If you are interested in scheduling a Brown Bag, please call 936-8660.

Departments or work groups that are interested in enhancing their understanding of conflict and conflict management may also request educational sessions through Mediation Services. These 1-hour sessions are also free of charge. Go to http://www.umich.edu/~mediate for descriptions of suggested courses, or call us to discuss your department’s specific needs.

< back to top >

 

 

Subscribe
If you would like future updates from resolutions, click here to subscribe.
Know someone who'd like to receive resolutions? Forward this message.

 

resolutions is published in January, May and September of every year. To obtain additional information regarding our services contact FASAP/Mediation Services at (734) 936-8660.

Hospital employees may contact the M-Works EAP at 763-5409 for counseling service.