Common Concerns
Self Esteem / Self Confidence
Self-concept is the set of beliefs and/or images we have of ourselves, whereas self-esteem is how we FEEL about our self-concept. Self-concepts include facts i.e. woman, man, student, athlete, partner...and less tangible things like smart, beautiful, worthless, shy.
Self-esteem is initially acquired through two main sources:
- how others treated us, and
- what others told us about ourselves.
As adults, our self-esteem is largely based on two sources of self:
- our perceived self who we really think we are; and
- our ideal self-who we really think we ought to be.
- What we know about ourselves, and how we feel about what we know.
The difference that exists for each of us between the perceived self and the ideal self can be a measure of our self-esteem; If the difference is small, our self esteem is high; but as the gap widens, our self-esteem will drop. Sufficient amounts of self-esteem will enable us to act in our own best interests. Low or no self-esteem, however, may cause us to feel overwhelmed, anxious, less than, stupid, depressed, unlovable, etc.
It seems that many students long to feel better about themselves.. We know at least intellectually that the more we like ourselves, the better we will feel, and the more others will like us.
Yet, sometimes realizing our worth seems a goal beyond our reach. Changing what we feel about ourselves doesn't mean that somehow we correct what is wrong with us and then we would approve of ourselves.
Changing how we feel about ourselves does not rest with the thoughts that in order to value ourselves, we first have to do or be more; be an all 'A' student; always be 'nice' no matter how people treat me; lose weight, have a significant relationship; never get angry; and the list could go on and on.
What is really interesting is that in many cases even reaching these goals doesn't provide us with the desired results. Many people are high achievers, but no matter what they achieve they feel it's not enough.
Self esteem truly valuing ourselves-or as defined by Webster-to set a high value on--is an INSIDE JOB. It can only come from the inside, from inner acceptance and approval. If this self approval is not there, if we depend on the approval of others or our accomplishments, or job, or relationship for our sense of self worth, it will merely be an illusion that will fall when the approval, attention, or interest of ourselves from the outside stops or doesn't match the intensity of what we need.
No outside source can bring self worth and self value to you.
Seeking Help
Working with a counselor at CAPS or any other mental health provider can provide a safe, nurturing environment where one can really explore this issue of low self esteem and begin to learn how to respect, cherish and LIKE yourself can greatly improve your interactions with others, your sense of purpose in the world, and improve your relationships.
If you think you would like counseling support, please come to our office at 3100 Michigan Union to make an appointment.