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Pope and Sterne give Help to the Ill:

Good day, my name is Alexander Pope. You may know me already as that smarty-pants satirist. Perhaps you may not know that I have suffered in my life, from sickness divine. I have put together a little listing of my several diseases and the way I went about fighting them in order to help you, the curious reader, to fight your own various illnesses.

editor's note: some words below are linked to Johnson's dictionary, a helpful resource.

  • Oh my dear sirs, I am a sad picture of a man. I don't usually like to share my woes, but I will do it here for my good friends who are making this remedy booklet. I suffer from a constant illness. My spine is curving and my body is weak. I am a very small man. In order to stand erect I wear a bodice of stiff canvas. Now that I am older I need the help of maids to do most anything. (1) But really all my life I have been sickly.
  • For those of us with short stature (I must admit finally that I am a mighty 4ft. 6in.) I would recommend having a handy chair that can be raised to the level of the dining table so as not to appear silly. (2)
  • For headaches I recommend coffee. I do have a great many of those.(3)
  • When I was younger I suffered a nervous disorder, believed to be from too much studying. For this Dr. John Radcliffe advised that I was placed on a diet, restricted from overworking myself, and that I go on walks in Windsor Forest, like some dog I tell you. But I still partake of this. (4)
  • There is always the warm liniments, embrocations, and blisters to be put where the pain is. (5)
  • I sometimes go to Bath, to the bagnios, to partake in the soothing waters. I find that this helps some in my pain. One should drink the waters there as well as bathe in them. And also at Bristol. (6)
  • I was advised to take physick before I should come to the baths. And so all the sisters of my friend Sir William Codrington insisted I do this. One mixed my electuary, one pounded sulphur, and another ordered broth. It was really quite silly. They then came to me most forceful that I should take of the pills and physic in a pot. (7)
  • For a variety of ailments I was told to take Asses' milk, it is supposedly quite good for many diseases, for it is as beneficial as mother's milk. I found that it did improve my strength. (8)
  • If one should become very desperate, as I did lately over a (pardon me ladies) urinary infection (not, as some would like to say, from sexual adventures), one could use the help of a chirurgeon, I recommend Mr. Cheselden. Beware, this is a most painful undertaking. (9)
  • Don't overindulge with the wine and liquor!! It makes one heavy and disordered. Gluttony is a sin.
  • My herbs include Millepedes and Garlick and Horehound Tea. I have also taken Alkalizd Mercury in five pills a day, perscribed by Dr. Burton. (10)
  • And then there is the advice of Dr. Thomas Thomson, who has pushed the purge upon me, where you must get the evil out by bleeding or vomiting or some such silliness. (11)

And Now Dear Friends, a short essay that our friend Pope has written on illness, for your amusement...

 

And I am the wondrous Laurence Sterne, here to be unsentimental and share with the readers of this booklet a few remedies and healthy witticisms to help those who share in my disease of consumption. Enjoy!!

 

  • As I wrote in the fifth volume of Tristram Shandy: "O Blessed health! cried my father...He that has thee, has little more to wish for;-and he that is so wretched as to want thee,-wants every thing with thee." A quote I whole-heartedly agree with. (12)
  • All my life, dear readers, I have been a sick man. While at Cambridge studying in my youth I awoke one night to find that I had bled my bed full. I had broke a vessel in my lungs. In the morning I sent for a chirurgeon to bleed me at my arms. The most useful and relaxing remedy of bloodletting allows for a cleansing of my lungs. I still partake of this remedy. (13)
  • Always the vile cough. Many times I was recommended to spend time in kinder climates, like Toulouse and Naples, but I am afraid that they were really of no help. (14)
  • You must not tell my wife but I find that companionship is at times the best medicine. To be alone is fatal to a sick person. (15)
  • Eating well, and not overdoing the merry times is advisable to one with my disease.
  • But finally, I think it is really my work that keeps me moving and excited. I am not a serious man, but I do think that work in all its puritanism is good for the soul, and the lungs. I am now working on a most glorious novel about feelings. I think one's own feelings and sentiments are important to one's happiness.

 

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POPE and STERNE.