Men's Epistolary Excellence
Cyrus: Gentlemen, The best advice to offer you is that flattery does indeed get you everywhere with women, no matter how much they protest. Here is a letter to soothe the most common occasion that occurs with Men in their Writing Occasions- that of the Angry Mistress!
Dear Madam,
I am extremely sorry you are angry-- and much more, that you should be angry
with me, and most of all, that I don’t know for what, unless it be because
I love you, and that I must do until I die, for Death would be far more eligible
than Life, without the Liberty of loving you. You may indeed, refuse to make
me happy in my Love, but you cannot hinder me from loving you, for it that’s
a Thing implanted in my Nature. But why, dear Madam, should this provoke your
anger? It is your Charms that are in the fault, not me: You should have been
less beautiful, If you’d have no Adorers, or else have cloistered yourself
up from mortal eyes; and to what purpose then had Nature been so prodigal upon
you? Think you that Nature cast you in that curious and admirable Mould, with
a Design you should be seen by no body? And seeing you, who can forbear to love
you? But you will say, perhaps, I can pretend to nothing but what’s so
much below your Notice, that ‘tis in vain for me to make Pretences to you.
I do confess, indeed, you may condemn my Rashness, but not be angry at my love,
and yet ‘tis love’s the cause of my presumption. But seeing Heaven
is never offended with miserable mortals, that daily send up thier Addresses
thither, I know not why your self, the Abstract of all Goodness here below,
should not incline a favorable ear to my Addresses: Therefore, thou lovely Goddess
of my Heart, convert your Frowns to Smiles, and make me happy, that I may celebrate
the Praises of your Goodness and Compassion, as well sa your Beauty, if otherwise,
I resolve to perish the Victim of Your Anger, and die
The Martyr of your Beauty
•Letters of Business such as -usefull form of bills, and bonds-Acquittance in Full for Rent -The Form of a General Release, may be found at Familiar Letters for All Occasions (1741)/
Well acquainted with love letters? Not getting you anywhere? Try a song.
Slip-song- Modern Courtship (1785)
Modern Courtship Recitative
-Would you obtain the gentle fair
Assume a French fantastic air;
Off, when the generous Briton fails,
A foppish foreigner prevails.
AIR
You must teach her to dance,
As the mode is in France
And make the best use of feet;
Cock your hat with a grace,
All be-brazen your faces,
And dress most affectedly neat
Then bow down like a beau,
Hop and turn out your toe,
Lead miss by the hand, and leer at her;
Draw your glove with an air,
At your white stocking store
And simper, and ogle, and flatter.
Walk the figure of eight,
With your rump stiff and straight,
Then turn her delicate ease,
Bow again very low,
Your good breeding to show,
And missy you’ll perfectly please.
If these steps you pursue,
You will soon bring her too,
And rifle in child of her charms
Her poor heart will heave high,
and shall languish and sigh,
And caper quite into your arms.
Do not forget to lavish compliments upon your lady! Find help with the Amorous
Gallant's Golden Tip'd Tongue.