Grand Tour of Europe

Give your son or daughter the memories and experience they deserve. Send them on a Grand Tour of Europe. We provide a tutor (Benjamin Goldstein, esq., a bright chap of 26 years, learned of various trades, languages), supplies, overseas transport. You must cover land guides, horse and carriage, etc. Remember to bring passport, health certification, and spending monies. Memories last a lifetime. Make sure your young gent or lady has theirs. *Chard, Chloe and Langdon, Helen. Transports: Travel, Pleasure, and Imaginative Geography, 1600-1830. New Haven & London: Yale University Press, 1996
Current Price: 3000 pounds

From the land of the New World Q Kingston, Jamaica. 74 men, 25 women, 14 men boys, 12 women girls, 6 boys, 5 girlsI.brought to you by Richard Farr & Company, Greenwich Captain John Harwood. Well behaved, trained. Hardworking, willing to grin and bear TitI Above is an example of a poster for a slave auction. *Macinnes, C.M. England and Slavery. Bristol: Arrowsmith, 1934
Current Price: 6000 pounds

Climb aboard the Coop's sloop! Maty, join me crew on my jolly vessel the Night Rambler, for a sly November jaunt down to Barbados for some E-A-S-Y monies. No experience necessary, though basic seamanship and marksmanship a plus. Course of action: Nov. the 14th meet with Captain King's ship Perry, stop off on the isle Aruba, monies will be distributed. Transport, food, lady entertainment paid. * Gosse, Philip. The Pirates' Who's Who. New York: Burt Franklin, 1924
Current Price: 0 pounds
Lifelong Adventure on legendary Crusoe Island

Daniel Defoe's account of the adventures of Robinson Crusoe was just the beginning. Now, you too can experience the entire experience Q from eating sumptuous passion fruit and befriending Indians to designing a walled home-sweet-fortress and carving a sea-faring canoe. Quartermaster William Cammock, a seaman on a vessel helmed by Captain Bartholomew Sharp (a known pirate), will assist you in travel to the island and arrangement of your basic supplies. While on the island, if bid winner, you must agree to write down a journal of your activities and sights to be published on your return back to civilization in 28 years time. Quartermaster Cammock will oversee your return. NOTE: Cammock is afflicted at the moment with "celenture, or malignant fever and a hiccough."* Past survivors includeI. * Gosse, Philip. The Pirates' Who's Who. New York: Burt Franklin, 1924, p. 239
Current Price: 2000 pounds
Polly the prostitute

Here ya go boys! Fresh off a year at sea? Your ol lady dragging ya down? Take your pickI.Polly and the flagship of her luscious lady friends are just dripping to wet your dock. Willing to make house calls. NO TORTURE, WITCHCRAFT. Not liable for unwanted skin inflammation, warts, infections. *Bouce, Paul-Gabriel. Sexuality in Eighteenth-Century Britain. New Jersey: Manchester University Press, 1982
Current Price: 5 pounds
How to rear your lad 101

Madame Spock, the top authority this century on raising children, provides you unfitting parents, you slackers and scum who are raising a lot of rebels and witches. Madame Spock "always thought it unhappy, when a Parent has committed the fole Care of a Child's Education to others."* She will teach you to raise your child to both love you and fear you, so they can become a will upstanding lady or gentleman. *Hill, John On the Management and Education of Children. New York & London: Garland Publishing, Inc., 1985, p. 162
Current Price: 15 pounds
Child temperament

Is your son or daughter a monster? Can't take their tantrums? Sick of their whining? Madame Spock offers to cultivate your child's mind because "in the Application of its Culture we have this Advantage, that what ewe intend well always takes a good Effect."* Madame Coward has found that "Few are very foolish"* and that simply taking care of a child's mind, enriching it with culture and "Habits,"* the child should be free and clear of any future outbursts. A governess could be used as an aide or a nanny. *Hill, John On the Management and Education of Children. New York & London: Garland Publishing, Inc., 1985, pgs. 45, 51, 72
Current Price: 10 pounds

Think you have been "Bewitched"? A black cat cross your path? VERY HARD-TO-FIND. Genuine, experienced witchhunter Johnny McTagger, straight from the island of Scotland, comes to you bearing a horrifyingly deadly arsenal of weapons to subdue these vicious wenches of their power. Includes infamous Scottish thumb-screws. One of the swiftest witch prickers in all of Scotland, McTagger prefers the rack method of finding out a witch (his rack bears the engraving "As for Witches, I think not that their witchcraft is any real power; but yet that they are justly punished for their false belief they have that they can do such mischief, joined with the purpose to do it if they can.Q Hobbes."* *Tindall, Gillian A Handbook on Witches. New York: Atheneum, 1969, p. 139
Current Price: 35 pounds
Disease of the Eye

Your neighbors steal your midwife? Beat your son? Hump your horse? He shall not see another day as the Black Witch of Hamadey offers her magic spell of Disease of the Eye. This horrifying affliction of the eyeball comes from a secret charm that the witch would prepare before dawn (or before the afflicted would awaken). By inducing the charm, the afflicted person's eyes swell to four times their size, thus inverting the pupils inward and rendering the person blind. This disease causes horrible pain and swelling in the eyesocket, which ultimately forces the eyes to be removed with a hot scalpel. Price to pay is minimal for the desired effect, though moral guilt is not assumed in the cost. *Tindall, Gillian A Handbook on Witches. New York: Atheneum, 1969
Current Price: 75 pounds
Flying Ointment

The Black Witch of Hamadey can take you, yes YOU to places you'd never dream. A steal of an item, the "Flying Ointment" charm could give you a bird's eye view of the great, wide world. Specifically, the Black Witch will give you the powers to fly high in the sky. For any of you skeptics, the spell begins with "The fat of yoong children, and seeth it with water in a brasen vessell, reseruing the thickest of that which remaineth boiled in the bottome, which they laie up and keepe, untill occasion serueth to use itI"* Sorry, in order to actually fly, a few more secret items must be added to make you fly, so you'll have to win the auction if you want to kiss the sky. WARNING: this product uses aconite, a very dangerous poison that could give you a heart attack. We, the Ye Olde Webmasters, hold no responsibility to any after effects or its actual productivity. *Tindall, Gillian A Handbook on Witches. New York: Atheneum, 1969, p. 109
Current Price: 50 pounds

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