SEPTEMBER 30, 2003

LAST UNSOLICITED resolutions NEWSLETTER | CLICK HERE TO  SUBSCRIBE 

What is Mediation Services?
by Sally Johnson, Mediation Services 

We hope you already know that Mediation Services is a confidential, off-the-record service, for any faculty or staff member at the U.   But if you have wondered what actually happens, and how it works - here’s an actual example to help explain:

Bob and Susan are co-workers in a research unit.  Susan, a writer, sees Bob as difficult and offensive.  She complained several times to her manager that he was rude and generally insulting and unhelpful. There were a number of almost-shouting matches between Bob and Susan.  The manager finally recommended to Susan that she try mediation.  When she agreed, the manager then told Bob to expect to hear from Mediation Services. 

This mediation required a series of meetings.  At first the mediator met separately with each party.  Susan reiterated her concerns.  In the meeting with Bob, the mediator learned that Bob was a computer support expert, who found Susan irritating because she made so many demands on his time.  He felt that, with her years of experience, she should have learned more about her computer and be able to answer simple questions for herself. 

At the initial joint meeting the mediator merely described and answered questions about the process, and allowed Susan and Bob each to describe what they thought issues were.  These included some instances in which each had been offended by the other, some conflicting expectations about what the other could or should do, and inevitably, some surprises.  The mediator also asked each party to describe what they hoped the mediation would accomplish. 

A second meeting was spent seeking agreement on what issues might be resolved in mediation, and a third meeting exploring for areas of agreement.  Only two areas of agreement could be found:

  • They both wanted to continue working here
  • Both agreed the angry outbursts are a problem and must stop

By the time the fourth meeting took place, Susan, Bob and the mediator were all taken by surprise by a definite change in tone. For each of the issues identified during the second meeting, a tentative solution emerged that each was willing to try.  Susan agreed to make a list of her most frequent computer questions, and Bob promised to schedule an uninterrupted 2-hour time with her, when she had the list complete, to tutor her on those problems.  Other solutions included ways they would manage disagreement when it occurred, without the angry outbursts.

The mediator drafted a written statement of these agreements.  The three planned a follow up meeting for two months later, to review progress.

Look for other actual anecdotes of mediation services in coming issues of resolutions. If you have specific questions, contact us at www.umich.edu/~mediate.

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BROWN BAGS by FASAP, Work/Life Resource Center, and Mediation Services
by Tom Waldecker, Faculty and Staff Assistance Program

FASAP and the Work Life Resource Center (WLRC) are offering thirteen different Brown Bag presentations for the 2003-2004 academic year.  Brown Bags are 45-60 minute presentations offered free of charge and available to any faculty or staff group or unit upon request.  All sessions are provided at the requestor’s site and can be held over the lunch hour or are ideal for staff development sessions. 

This year, three new Brown Bags are offered -- Understanding Generations at Work, Get to It: Getting Motivated and Balancing Work & Personal Life.  In addition, returning Brown Bag topics include Emotional Intelligence: What is it?, Remember This (memory improvement tips), Talking with Elderly Relatives About Difficult Issues, Creative Thinking and Controlling Your Clutter.  For a complete listing of Brown Bags and a brief description of each, click here. If you are interested in scheduling a Brown Bag, please call 936-8660. 

Departments or workgroups that are interested in enhancing their understanding of conflict and conflict management may also request educational sessions through Mediation Services. These 1-hour sessions are also free of charge.  Go to http://www.umich.edu/~mediate for descriptions of suggested courses, or call us to discuss your department’s specific needs. 

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Sharing the Parenting Load
by Leslie de Pietro, Work/Life Resource Center

It has been said that parenting is the worst job you’ll grow to love!   A job posting might read as follows:  Dedicated, responsible, patient and caring individual needed to work days, evenings, weekends and holidays.   Must be able to clean spaghetti off walls and ceilings, dispense medications; prepare up to 6 meals per day, tutor in English, science and math, and heal all wounds.  

Single parents have to go this road pretty much alone, although they may have family or friends who can help out occasionally.   If you are fortunate enough to have a partner sharing the responsibilities, it can make a world of difference.  If your feel your partner is not as supportive as you would like, there are ways to encourage him or her.

One idea would be to give your partner full domestic responsibility for part of the weekend.   Saturday morning is perfect-that can become crucial “me” time.    Also, one of you might consider flexing your schedule (if your supervisor allows you to do so) so that you can share in dropping off or picking up the children.   The drive to or from school or day care can be a remarkable time for focused conversation and building the relationship.

Here are some other tips that experts recommend for busy two-parent families:

  • Sit down for 20 minutes at a specific time during the weekend with your calendars to plan the week ahead.   (Include the children whenever possible.)
  • Work toward sharing the responsibilities for such things as dentist appointments, car repairs, buying gifts for holidays equally.
  • Try not to be overly critical of the way your partner carries out tasks.   If s/he cooks Ragu spaghetti every night-hey, there are worse things!

  • Organize areas of responsibility so that you each do the jobs that are easiest or most enjoyable-then divide up the rest.  Make sure your partner has equal say in making these decisions…that builds “buy in.”

  • Make back-up plans for your back-up plan.   If your emergency plans fall through, who will step in and fill the slack?    Are both parents emergency numbers up to date with the school or child care facility?   What would happen if you were both unreachable and your child became seriously ill? 

Making parenting a shared responsibility will help keep relationship ties strong even after the children have gone off to college and beyond.

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STAFF PROFILES

Sandee Martin, Work/Life Resource Center

Hello Everyone!  My name is Sandee Martin and I’m the newest member of the Work/Life Resource Center.  I started in July as a resource and referral counselor, leaving behind corporate values & decades of long, thankless hours, to follow my passion of helping people balance their work with their lives. 

While I have a teaching degree, my greatest experience for this position was a life-long journey raising my two boys.  My youngest, Chris, is 21 and attending FSU. Ethan, 27, is a Chiropractor in Grand Ledge, MI.  Due to a recent marriage in Valley of Fire, NV, I also have two new children - Shannon, 31, who works in Ann Arbor and Sean, 33 - and the prettiest little one-year-old, red-headed granddaughter you could ever imagine (I love being a grandma)!  As a newlywed with a new career, I’m on top of the world!  And I am very excited about helping my fellow U-M “family” find a good balance.

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Sally Johnson, Mediation Services

The Mediation Services program is directed by Sally Johnson.  Sally was born in New York state, and grew up in Syracuse, NY, and Burlington, VT, before moving to Chicago for her high school years.  From the years in New York and Vermont came her love for wilderness, mountain climbing, lakes, and canoes.  She earned a bachelor’s degree in history at Carleton College before moving to Michigan to teach in Detroit, during the 60’s.  She and her former husband have two sons, now grown, one here and one in Boston.

Sally first came to U-M in 1975 to complete her graduate work in Chinese history, and then decided to stay here as a staff member.  Beginning in 1979, she was a consultant with, and later manager of, HRD.  In 1995 she was invited to design and develop the Mediation Services program.  

Sally’s career here at U-M has been focused on the climate of the academic workplace, and she is excited about programs that show promise for creating the best possible climate - such as the “Building Great Places to Work” initiative that she led last year, soon to be a new online resource for U-M staff.   Away from work, Sally lives with her partner on the Huron River near Dexter, and enjoys six grandchildren, who are “pure joy.”

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Sleepless Equals Hazardous
by Jeanne Quinn, Faculty and Staff Assistance Program

"Sleep deprivation has become a major crisis," says James Maas, Ph.D., a sleep researcher and professor at Cornell University.  "Sleep is perceived as a luxury, not a necessity."

Some are calling it the Silent Epidemic because 70 million Americans suffer from sleep deprivation. The National Sleep Foundation reports that most people really do need between 7.5 and 8.5 hours of sleep nightly. The human body is designed to use sleep as a period of vital activities, including regulating the metabolic, endocrine, and immune systems among others. Although a tired brain functions, it exhibits slower response times and is demonstrably less creative and flexible in problem solving and social functioning. Everything from traffic jams to computer glitches are harder to handle when one has a 'mental blur' going, predisposing people to snarl at other drivers and snap at co-workers or family.

Scientists are finding that sleep is as crucial to health as a good diet and sufficient exercise. Research at the University of Chicago indicates that chronic short sleepers appear to age faster, and develop susceptibility to diseases such as diabetes, diseases of immune dis-regulation (such as rheumatoid arthritis, lupus, MS) and possibly some forms of cancer.

And if all of this weren't enough, tired people are dangerous. One study found that people thirty to fifty who slept five hours a night had reaction times as much as 50% slower than people who were legally drunk. The National Highway Traffic Safety Adm. reports that 17% of Americans fall asleep at the wheel every year, resulting in thousands of deaths and injuries. A landmark 1999 study by the Institute of Medicine, in Washington, D.C., reported that sleep-deprived physicians made errors that contributed to the deaths of 98,000 patients.

Not all sleep deprivation is voluntary, and it's vital to seek medical help if insomnia is robbing you of crucial sleep. Otherwise, taking the time for proper sleep is a lifestyle choice.

So, the next time you are thinking of giving up sleep to “get stuff done,” think about this - Dr. Maas has demonstrated that well-rested people get more done in less time. So to be at your best, be sure to get enough rest.

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resolutions is published in January, May and September of every year. To obtain additional information regarding our services contact FASAP/Mediation Services at (734) 936-8660.

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