Chapter Sixty-four: "I'm marrying you now whether you want me to or not!"

(Based on notes from special guest note taker Mer Haskell.  If you like
the log, direct the kudos to both of us.  If you hated it, well, it's all
her fault.  :) )

	Bart departs from the Rose.  Ahab asks Lyss if she's coming out of
the Rose.  She says she'll do so when it's safe.  She mentions that she's
turned off Trump, and, oh yes, she's concerned about Darby.  Deirdre
suggests that Ahab's next clever plan involve getting the Jewel back. 
Ahab decides Bart had the right idea, and heads back to Amber.

	Foster Trumps Laughter in a bad mood.  Apparently he broke the
news to Felix, and Felix was *not* happy.  Plus Riftvan still isn't home. 
Laughter says they don't have to get married, if it's all that bad. 
Foster won't hear of it, so Laughter decides now's as good a time as any
to talk to Mandor.  Alone.  Foster likes this not at all.  Sequence
volunteers to knock Foster out but just manages to make him madder.  He
and Laughter engage in a staring contest.

	Unable to take out his frustration on Foster, Felix takes it out
on an innocent wall instead.  Fist meets wall.  Fist loses.  Felix breaks
the carpals on his left hand.  He wraps it in something clean and goes
looking for his mom and dad.  Gerard's at sea with Caine, but Isabeux
kisses it and makes it better.  OK, maybe she doesn't.  She does wait
patiently for him to explain what's going on, but this doesn't happen
either.  Instead Felix stomps off to the infirmary, causing all concerned
to notice once again how Foster usually acts so much more mature than
Felix.

	Taunting of Laughter ensues.  Don't ask me what this means, that's
all Mer wrote.

	Felix Trumps Gerard, who comes through to fix his hand.  He is
unimpressed with Felix's choice of punching bag, and gives him an
expectant look as he gets to work.  When this produces no response he
resorts to actually asking Felix what's wrong.  Felix eventually admits
that Foster made him angry, which tells Gerard nothing that he couldn't
already guess.  Gerard asks what Foster did, but Felix isn't forthcoming
with any further information.  Gerard sets the hand, which Felix thinks
will take a couple of months to heal.  He leaves to clean his blood off of
the wall.

	Usires continues hanging around with Martin.  Martin continues
showing Usires the town and going on about how different he'll be when
he's king.  Uh-huh.  Sure.  They occupy themselves with playing cards and
getting thrown out of the best and worst places in town.

	Bart goes to Rebma to ask Moire if he can walk the Pattern there,
since he knows better than to breath a word of his latest plan to
Llewella.  Moire not only lets him walk it, she even walks him down there. 
He successfully reaches the center and embarks on his latest quest: to
speak the Unicorn.

	Ahab contacts Alexi and Trinity for the list of Chaosites he
wishes to assassinate.  And here we thought that was Foster and Riftvan's
line of work.  Then Ahab has a talk with Nicholas' tutor.  He wants a
close eye kept on the boy, what with the kidnapping attempts on Nicholas. 
OK, so those took place six years ago, but better late than never.  Oh,
and there's also those kidnapping attempts *by* Nicholas.  You remember
those Faeries, right?  Somehow Ahab does not see this as a sign that he
should change his parenting methods.  With this matter settled, Ahab goes
to find Kimdyl, so he can ask her about sorcery.  She pretty much confirms
that sorcery rules the universe, which is why everyone wants it.  Then
they move on to other more...entertaining topics.

	Laughter gets tired of staring at Foster, so she Trumps Felix and
asks him to deal with his son.  Just what he wanted.  He comes through,
and everyone carefully fails to notice his hand.  Laughter also orders
Sequence to make sure Foster stays behind.  Then she Trumps Mandor and
asks him to pull her through.  He does, but Foster gets away from Felix
and Sequence and follows her through, causing the two of them to wind up
in an undignified heap at Mandor's feet.  Laughter decides to have Felix
come through, since he's better than they are at being undignified.  To no
one's surprise, Felix is unable to get Foster to leave, so he Trumps Eric
and gets the heck out of there.  Laughter tells Mandor about her
engagement.  Mandor gives her his blessing.  Not.  Mandor tells her that
none of his descendants will marry into House Vetch, or belong to Vetch,
and he will not allow her to marry Foster.  They toss legal precedents and
options back and forth.  Laughter points out that she's an Amberite, and
doesn't need his permission.  Mandor reminds her that Foster is a
Chaosite, and as the Crown Prince of Chaos, he can and will forbid Foster
to marry her.  Now, if Foster didn't belong to House Vetch, there wouldn't
be a problem, but there are "penalties" for leaving that house.  Laughter
gives in and agrees not to marry Foster... for now.  She leaves with
Foster and they commiserate.  They speculate as to whether Mandor knows
she's pregnant, and decide to have the child in a fast-time Shadow.  Never
mind that such a Shadow will probably be close to Chaos...

	Felix does what he does best - drink morosely with Eric.

	Usires and Martin make small talk about such topics as Llewella's
rumored shapeshifting ability, and where the hell Bart's gotten to,
anyway.

	Speaking of Bart, he finds himself facing the Unicorn across a
stream.  The Unicorn blinks at him and continues about its business.  Bart
asks it if Lyss can become part of the real Pattern instead of the Rose,
but the Unicorn only twitches its tail in response.  This fascinating
conversation is interrupted by the arrival of the Serpent, who proceeds to
chase the Unicorn away, leaving Bart alone in the glade, no better off
than before.

	Ahab decides to see if Brand's managed to escape again.  Much to
his surprise, Brand's still in his cell, and looking even more insane than
he usually does.  He claims destroying the Patterns was all his idea. 
Uh-huh, and Ahab's going to be nominated for father-of-the-year, any day
now.  Ahab gets bored with the conversation and goes to the library, where
he discovers that Dworkin's books have once again disappeared.  Someone's
really racking up some hefty overdue book fines on those babies.

	Sequence flies around looking for Foster, Felix, or someone with a
Trump, so it can find Laughter again.  The page it bothers directs him to
Martin and Usires, no doubt just wanting to be rid of the damn thing. 
Sequence heads into town, and realizes that it's not as fast as it used to
be, but convinces itself that it just feels that way because it's thinking
faster.  It obviously learned logic from Laughter.

	In one of those comic cases of bad stuff, er, timing, Laughter and
Foster arrive back at the castle shortly after Sequence has headed into
town.  Laughter sends Foster into town looking for it, but despite the
commotion it's creating in town as people chase it, Foster is unable to
find it.  Usires, on the other hand, has no trouble spotting it and gives
chase with Martin.  Sequence is so glad to see them that it tries to stab
Martin in the foot.  Unfortunately, Usires pushes Martin out of harm's
way, and Sequence embeds itself in the ground.  This is the point at which
it asks them to find Laughter.  A sword of very little brain indeed. 
Martin pulls it out of the ground and Trumps Felix, hoping he knows where
to find Laughter.  They discuss something (probably Bart, but the notes
don't say) for a long time.  Eventually Martin threatens Sequence with a
blowtorch.  Oh, melting her sword again is a great way to get on
Laughter's good side.  Sequence shows a glimmer of intelligence and
promises not to kill Bart.  We all know it's lying, of course.  Felix
decides he's seen enough of this silliness, cuts the contact, and calls
Foster.  But, even with this additional information, Foster still can't
find them.  In the meantime, Usires and Martin decide to glue Sequence
into an anvil, just for laughs.  Laughter Trumps Foster, who tells her
that he still hasn't found Sequence.  It finally occurs to him to try
Trumping one of the people last seen with the sword, namely Martin. 
Usires notices Martin fighting off the contact and lends his assistance by
way of punching Martin out.

	Ahab notices this odd exchange and naturally investigates.  Usires
claims that Martin asked for it.  Ahab agrees and kicks Martin in the head
for good measure.  Usires decides it might be wise to mention the Trump
contact after all.  Ahab and Usires argue over what Bart did to Sequence,
with Ahab defending Sequence and Usires defending Bart.  Martin wakes up
to this and wishes he was still unconscious.  Ahab argues that if Brand is
allowed to run around threatening people, then Sequence should be able to
as well.  This argument does not sway the others, so Ahab starts looking
for Laughter with a Pattern lens.

	Bart shifts Shadow back to Rebma and finds Llewella.  He's quite
astonished to find that no time has passed in Rebma since he left.  He
spills the details of his Unicorn encounter to Llewella, who is not
pleased with him at all.  Apparently she doesn't think much of his plan. 
What there was of it.

	Laughter Trumps Ahab and comes through to reclaim her sword.  Only
problem is, it's still stuck in the anvil.  Ahab says he knows of a Shadow
where they can free it, and gathers everyone together.

	Everyone falls unconscious.

	Ahab wakes up in a back alley, with an anvil on his chest and a
splitting headache.  The fact that he doesn't have Pattern anymore clues
him in that this is not the result of a wild night of drinking.  He checks
out the area, and a newspaper which contains headlines about mage wars,
and realizes he's in a Shadow similar to the one he intended to bring the
group to, although there's no sign of the others.  He draws Sequence,
which draws attention from the laser pistol packing pedestrians.  He
decides maybe he should leave and Trumps Fiona for a way out.  She opts to
come through to him instead, since apparently the Shadow she was in was
even less appealing.  She proceeds to inform him that Sequence is not
Sequence and that the Jewel has exploded.  Well, at least Dara won't be
using it anytime soon.

	Laughter wakes up in a barren winter forest to the baying of
hunting hounds.  She decides to climb a tree and wait for something to
happen.  Big mistake.  The na siogai who come along proceed to shoot her
in the shoulder and knock her out of the tree.  Then they remove her
daggers, tie her up, and take her to their lord.  Who happens to look a
lot like Calamus.  He instructs his servants to dress Laughter in
something "more appropriate,"  causing the players to speculate on just
how much bad stuff Laughter got when she reforged Sequence.

	Felix finds himself in Arden and makes his way to the castle. 
Everything looks older, somehow.  He Trumps Gerard, who says he'll try to
reach Isabeux.  Foster does not answer his Trump, so Felix checks out the
castle while waiting for Gerard to get back to him.  He finds the Hall of
Portraits and notices that Corwin, Bleys, Ahab and Foster are missing. 
Eric's portrait is prominently placed.  He finds a portrait of himself,
but with no beard.  He asks one of the pages for the current date, but
Merrie didn't record the page's answer, so it remains a mystery.  Felix
decides to check out "his" room, and finds the contents similar to his
own.  Pity he doesn't run into himself, that would have been an
interesting conversation.  He Trumps Gerard and learns that only those
with Pattern seem to have been knocked out and transported.  He opts to
leave Eric's wet-dream and goes through to Gerard.

	Bart and Usires wake up together (no, not in that sense) on the
top of a mesa in a vast desert.  Bart is wearing nothing but white and
blue polka-dotted boxers.  But really, it's not what it seems.  Usires is
fully clothed, after all.  Usires has a good laugh at Bart's expense
before lending Bart his cloak.  They Trump back to the main hall, where
Bart tries to determine where his Trumps and magic shell have gotten off
to.

	Ariana wakes up in her house in town to Riftvan brushing the hair
out of her eyes and looking concerned.  Apparently she just appeared
beside him, so he figures she must have walked the Pattern.  Not something
he'd suggest doing too often.  She explains that she didn't walk the
Pattern.  As a matter of fact, she can't sense the Pattern at all.  He
decides it must have something to do with the Jewel, then.  He offers to
stay with her, but he really wants to investigate the matter, so Ariana
tells him to go ahead.  He shifts to his faerie form and disappears.

	Ahab and Fiona are attracting a lot of attention.  Fiona makes eye
contact with some of them and persuades them to go away.  Ahab hefts his
crossbow and looks menacing.  He makes some "sly moves," then makes eye
contact with one of the people who tried to shoot him and says "I am God. 
You just tried to shoot God.  Go forth and atone."  The poor sap leaves to
do this.  Fiona Trumps out with Ahab to the main hall, before this can get
any sillier.

	Ahab and Felix attempt to Trump Foster and Laughter, but can't get
through to either one of them.  Fiona, on the other hand, has no trouble
getting through to Laughter, and pulls her naked bod through just in time
to keep her from getting raped by the faerie lord.  Bad stuff sucks.  Read
on for an even better example.

	Felix, Ahab and Laughter combine and try Foster again, but still
can't get through.  Just to make them all feel small, Fiona Trumps Foster
and powers her way through.  At which point we all discover why Foster
wasn't taking Trump calls.  He's fighting this dragon, you see.  However,
Fiona's mind boring into his brain distracts him just a teeny bit, and the
dragon uses this opening to bite Foster's legs off.  The operative word
here is owie!  A profusely bleeding Foster is pulled through before the
dragon can finish his snack.  Felix immediately calls in Gerard to help. 
Fiona's mothering instinct takes over.  Fortunately, Foster is not
conscious to witness this, as it might have permanently blown his mind.

	Ahab recalls that Ariana recently developed some healing magic, so
he Trumps her in to deal with Foster's bleeding.  Then he Trumps Lyss, who
is lying barely conscious by the Rose.  She manages to lift her hand and
bring him through, at which point she tells him that she saw the Unicorn
and she has the feeling that everything will be OK.  Ahab wonders why all
of the women in his family have this tendency for Unicorn visions.  He
takes her to the main hall and then down to the Pattern.

	Sequence (the real one) wakes up on Kolvir and goes to the castle
looking for blood.  It finds Usires first and toys with him for a while. 
Bart decides discretion is the better part of valor and sneaks out before
the sword gets around to him.  Eventually Sequence remembers that its
original quest was to find Laughter, and finally gets around to looking
for her.

	Ariana manages to heal Foster's wounds, although she can't
regenerate his legs.  Felix remains by his bed until he wakes up.  When
Foster realizes that his legs are gone, he screams and asks for Laughter.
Sequence comes in, and Laughter tells it to never, ever leave her again.
They discuss how they're going to kill the faerie Lord.

	The Pattern does nothing for Lyss.  She says that the Unicorn
kicked the Jewel to shatter it, so the Serpent wouldn't get it.  Now the
pieces are scattered throughout Shadow, but maybe she can find it.  Ahab
figures Fiona might be interested in hearing this, so he carries her to
the infirmary, where Fiona is watching Laughter watch Foster.

	So, at the end of the session, we have:

	Ahab, Lyss, Ariana, Fiona, Laughter, Foster, Felix and Gerard in
the infirmary.
	Bart heading for Rebma.
	Usires wandering somewhere in the castle.


Quotables:

"Given Nicholas' ancestry, he should be able to Pattern teleport by age
ten." -- Ahab
"Well, there's still that goal of getting one to walk it in utero." -- Lyss

"Damn it, he's made me mad.  I'm marrying you now whether you want me to
or not!" -- Foster to Laughter

"Didn't I just get a lecture for doing stupid stuff without telling you?"
-- Foster
"Well, I'm *telling* you!" -- Laughter

"So, which hand do you hit the wall with, Felix?" -- GM
"His boy-beatin' hand." -- Sean

"What's turned off?" -- George
"Logrus.  Kimdyl used to take Ahab and bounce him on the head..." -- GM
"Ah.  Foreplay." -- George

"Uncle." -- Ahab
"Cur." -- Brand

"What do you think the little thing running around our quarters is?" -- Kimdyl
"I assumed it was some arcane remnant of a death curse." -- Ahab

"Maybe I think faster now, so I *feel* slower." -- Sequence to GM

"Martin seemed to be in pain, and then he asked me to hit him." -- Usires
"A kindred spirit." -- Ahab

"That's some fucking glue." -- Ahab, after pulling Sequence out of the
anvil it was glued into, only to find pieces of the anvil still stuck to
it

"Rape counts as rape, but touching my ass doesn't matter much." -- Laughter

"It's a good thing Foster doesn't have legs anymore, because it's going to
take me a while to get over this rape thing." -- Laughter
"Your optimism is appalling." -- Fiona

"Fuck the Unicorn!" -- Ahab
"That's what got us into this whole mess." -- Merrie