U-M President James Duderstadt shocked many by announcing he would resign at the end of the year. As one of his reasons, he states that he has completed many of the tasks on his original agenda. "Let's see... Armed troopers to enforce my policies: check. Oppressive, unconstitutional nonacademic code of conduct: check...."
Recently the 16 year old daughter of Vice President Al Gore was ticketed for underage possession of alcohol when she was caught by police with an open can of beer at a party. This came as a major embarrassment to the Gores; Al's wife Tipper, it seems, has been preaching that parents should teach their children not to drink. The Serpent's Tooth wonders if a close check of Republican financial records will reveal a major expenditure for beer for an unspecified "social gathering" ?
An independent audit revealed that the Post Office had improved its on time overnight delivery rate to 87 percent, an increase of 4 percentage points. Another audit, conducted by the NRA, revealed that the marksmanship of certain disgruntled employees has improved by 35 percentage points.
It seems that when President Duderstadt is going back to teaching after his resignation takes effect in June. Classes he won't be teaching are Due Process 101 and Students' Rights 220. A mini-course in administrative double-talk will be offered, however.
With the recent hullabaloo concerning the dress code and non-discrimination policy at Espresso Royale, The Serpent's Tooth recommends revamping the coffee shop's image-perhaps Opresso Royale would be more appropriate.
TOP TEN THINGS YOUR T.A. THINKS BEFORE AN EXAM
10. Wait till they get a load of this question!
9. I'll bet John over there will be sorry he asks all those stupid-ass
questions in section after he sees his score on this one.
8. NO!!! NO MORE! MAKE IT STOP!!!!!
7. Wait till these suckers find out there's no curve...
6. Why am I TAing Bio if I`m a Nuclear Engineering major?
5. Please, God, no more essays, please...
4. Now they want it graded in an hour?!? Are they nuts?!?
3. I'd like to see the goddamn professor sit here with these whiners for
a while, while us T.A.Us go off and have fun. But NOOOOOO...
2. What in the name of God made me do this and work full-time and write
my
dissertation at the same time??? I must be out of my frickin gourd!
1. I never wanted to do this. I always wanted to be... a... LUMBERJACK!
Leaping
from tree to tree...