No Shock: Oscars Disappoint Again
by: Ryan Posly



When the highlight of an awards telecast is a pre-filmed comedy sequence involving numerous celebrities and a stuffed monkey, chances are that the ceremony itself is boring people to death. I believe two people actually died of boredom while watching the 67th Academy Awards two weeks ago.

I'm just kidding of course, but the verdict is in on the 1994 Oscar ceremony, and it doesn't look good. There were no surprises in any of the major categories (I was alone in thinking that Quentin Tarantino would steal Best Director from Robert Zemekis), and David Letterman was nowhere near his usual hilarious self. Aside from that, the show went two hours and 35 minutes, one of the longest in history, and contained no overt political plugging (unless you count those shameless little quips about the Nat ional Endowment for the Arts, an organization that has done next to nothing for the film industry anyway).

David Letterman is arguably the greatest talk-show host ever and one of the brightest, funniest men on television. But placed out of his element like he was for the Oscars, in front of a group of stuffy executives on the dreaded West Coast, and not given complete control over his situation (he must have sweated like crazy because he keeps the temperature on his show around fifty degrees!), he could not function like normal. I cringed when he dragged an unusually hesitant Tom Hanks on stage to "assist" i n one of Dave's tired old Stupid Pet Tricks. Even the Top Ten List was lame. Steve Martin was funnier in his two minutes because he is more familiar with the crowd, and he is my choice for host next year.

Noticeably absent from this year's ceremony were the little red AIDS ribbons that grace the coats and dresses at so many awards shows today. Either the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences found a cure for the plague of our generation, or they hav e finally realized that wearing a tiny piece of cloth makes absolutely no difference in the struggle against it.

It is unfortunate that the biggest night in Hollywood can seem so dull, especially in a year of such exciting films as Pulp Fiction and Forrest Gump. Still, in a night of such highlights as Paul Newman forgetting to announce four of the Best Cinematograp hy nominees and Martin Landau shouting "No!" as he finally gets cut off during his acceptance speech, one can't help but wonder: "Say, what the hell's with that Tank Girl's hair, anyway?"