Jerk Says "Poor Suck"

I think it's about time a real man confronted all of the hippy-trippy liberal bullshit plaguing this once great campus. The ranks of the College Republicans are growing daily against the granola crunching, sandal wearing, Deadhead East Quad freaks, and it's time our message gets out. I've got a couple of economics lessons for y'all to think about. Let's suppose it costs a family $100 to live day to day. Some families make only $70 a day, thus existing in a state of unattractive and annoying poverty. These people thrive off of sucking away my hard earned tax dollars. The problem with poor people is that they bitch too much. You want to get money? Try getting a damn job. The poor are an unnecessary problem in society, and I think it's high time we started feeding the homeless to the hungry. Maybe that'll make 'em sorry for being a bunch of lazy bastards! Now suppose you have a family that makes $500 a day. Thanks to the wealthy, God-fearing, morally just members of society for making the world go round! They try to invest their millions into job creation for the legions of poor lazy slobs on welfare just to have the government take a bite out of their ass in taxes! I am sick and tired of the rich people getting punished by a bunch of Ivy League, elitist liberals who spent too much time protesting in the 60's!

Furthermore, I can't understand why everyone is getting their panties in a bunch over our chalkings in the Diag. Let me tell you something, I for one am not going to let a bunch of AIDS-spreading pixies stand in the way of my free speech rights! You want a cure for AIDS? Try morality! If we had our way, we would march across this campus in the spirit of Pat Buchanan with our pitchforks raised ready to spear the liberal-homo forces into oblivion.

Clearly, the College Republicans have made it more than apparent that voting GOP is the only choice this fall. These arguments cannot and will not be denied, and I challenge any and all to make their case against the unequivocably just College Republican agenda!

Sincerely,

Dick Jerk

Ollege-kay Epublicans-ray President