'Dear Garg,
It's too bad that was the only thing that was remotely funny in the entire issue.
Sincerely,
Serpent's Tooth
Michigan Review'
In a recent issue of the Daily, columnist 'Jordan Stancil' criticized Republican presidential candidate Steve Forbes. 'Stancil,' displaying his intellectual prowess, trashed Forbes for such significant and crucial things as being a 'geek' and not 'being qualified' or 'having any experience' for the job he was seeking. Funny, neither one of those criteria seemed to keep the Daily from allowing 'Stancil' to be one of its columnists.
Anonymous White House sources confirm Al Gore has been in contact with Walter Mondale concerning employment opportunities for Vice Presidents who server under incompetent Presidents.
At a press conference in Washington, D.C., French President Chirac denied rumors that the hext target of French nuclear tests would be ships operated by Greenpeace.
Recently some reasoning-impaired individuals used e-mail to forward a racist jokes message posted to the Internet two years ago, with annotations conveying outrage that such a racist post existed, the apparent point being: 'We're outraged that this horrible example of racist filth exists, and we feel that it should never be forwarded on emailÑhere, have a copy!'
Bumper sticker seen:
'RE-ELECT CLINTON
An Excuse to Hate the Government for Four More Years'
HAVING BEEN INSPIRED BY THE ALLIANCE FOUR JUSTICE, SERPENT'S TOOTH IS PROUD TO PRESENT:
THE REVIEW'S TOP TEN LIST OF THINGS IT DEMANDS FROM THE U-M.
10. Space Ghost: Coast To Coast Posters in every single room on campus.
9. Bring Vice President for Student Affairs Maureen Hartford up under the Code for charges of violating students' civil rights.
8. Expel her under Regent's Bylaw 2.01 first.
7. The Daily should be removed from campus for violating that new Telecommunications Decency Act.
6. From now on, "Latino/Latina" must be written instead of "Latino/a": Is it that hard to write the extra "Latin-" ?!?
5. The Daily and the Review get to switch offices.
4. MSA President Flint Wainess either gets a clue or gets the hell out of office.
3. Don't ever let Hillary "Rodham" Clinton anywhere near campus ever ever again.
2. The Review gets 10% of Duderstadt's salary, no strngs attached.
1. Free Pizza for everyone!