Ben's Worst of Winter 1998

by Benjamin Kepple

A former professor of mine from overseas once remarked that in Europe, academics have far more prestige than their American counterparts. On the Continent, it appears, the ideas of most academics are widely respected; indeed, their ideas are generally taken far more seriously by society at large than the ideas of the American intelligentsia.

At Michigan, it is rather apparent why. Oh, we do have academics and teachers of great reputation, both on and off campus: John and Sidney Fine, Ronald Inglehart, David Lewis, Ralph Williams just to name a few. But let's face it: the majority of the academics currently ensconced in Certain Liberal Arts Programs English, History, Sociology, Women's Studies (hah!), the degenerate American Culture program are more interested in Indoctrinating Students to See Their World View than teaching quality fundamentals. What do I mean by quality fundamentals? Important information that will really help students in the outside world. When courses are offered by departments that allow students to wantonly choose electives of little to no value, while basic and important knowledge that could be offered by that course or another course in that department goes untaught, a grave disservice is done to the student. One could argue that the University's academic reputation might also be harmed as well by the offering of trite courses, but since when has the University cared about anything but money?

BEN'S TIPS FOR CHOOSING COURSES:

If it's cross-listed with American Culture or Women's Studies, cross over to a different course.

Remember! Avoid a course that uses the following words or phrases in the course description:
"Eurocentric philosophical verbiage," "oppression," "gender," "the Other," "bodies," "imperialism," "alternatives to Capitalism," "postmodernism," "academic discourse," "freshperson(s)," "racism," "ethnicity," and of course, "the need for affirmative action."

Sociology, Women's Studies, American Culture, and African-American Studies are not real academic majors. Who ever heard of a Women's Studies major, or an American Culture major, who did anything in the real world outside of academia? That's right, you can't think of anyone! Major in something useful, like History or English with the focus you want, but don't waste four years getting a degree essentially worthless outside of Ye Olde Politically Correct Ivory Tower.

After enrolling, if your professor ever mentions the following in a serious manner, immediately find a new course: "The tragedy of Nicaragua," "American imperialism," "right-wing racists," "Japan: World War II's Forgotten Victims," "Socialism or death!"

But without further ado, once again, here are my Ten Worst Class Offerings for the Winter Term of 1998. If you're taking these, January 27th is the last day for regular Drop/Add. Sign up for a real course, will you?

10. FILM AND VIDEO STUDIES 365: Race and Ethnicity in Contemporary American Television.

This laughable offering of a course presumes to look at "how racial and ethnic differences are addressed in a variety of television contexts." Some of the "cultural texts" that will be used in teaching of this course are such prime cuts of television viewing pleasure as "American Bandstand," and the Keenan Ivory Wayans show. No, I am not kidding. There is also apparently some reading by popular and academic sources of minor note.

That's right, everyone, we can sign up for this class and watch the Keenan Ivory Wayans show for credit, along with a whole slew of bad television (notable exceptions include The Cosby Show and All in the Family). This is supposedly going to allow us to see "discourses" on race and ethnicity (as a comic once noted, why does the black guy always get killed first in the television movie?) and how they "intersect with issues of class [!], gender [!!], and national idenity [!!!]." This class should be avoided. If you really want to learn about race and ethnicity, take a course that does not force you to watch Oprah - yet another "cultural text."

9. WOMEN'S STUDIES/ AM. CULT. 240: Introduction to Women's Studies.

A prime example of the old phrase: "Those who can, do; those who can't, teach." Apparently in Women's Studies, you don't even need to teach anything relevant. The course description reads as follows (with my notes): "Designed as an introduction to the new feminist scholarship on women (read: You will be indoctrinated.), this interdisciniplary (read: Lots of films) course acquaints students with key concepts and theoretical frameworks (read: Men are evil.) to analyze women's condition. (read: Learn how women are oppressed by the white male power structure.) We will explore how women's status has changed over time, but we will concentrate on the situation of contemporary American women. Topics will include: violence against women (read: important subject most likely infused with false and misleading statistics), discrimination in the workplace (read: You too can sue for sexual harassment), the feminization of poverty (of course, no viable solution will be offered to solve the growing numbers of single-parent, female-headed households), and sexuality (Beneath commenting about.) Students will also examine how capitalism, racism, imperialism, and heterosexism (read: the white man and his evil, oppressing ways) affect women's lives. The course will not only provide students with an analysis of women's oppression (no bias here), but will suggest strategies for ending sexual inequality. (I'm almost afraid to ask.)"

Prof. Hackett also teaches WS 342: Gender and Society, where you can study the lunatic fringe of feminist legal thought. Run far and away from both.

8. AMERICAN CULTURE 410: Hispanics in the United States (Women in Prison: Gender and Crime Among Blacks and Latinas).

I'd rather have my fingernails ripped out than take this course, a truly shameful offering by the worthless American Culture Department. "This course will focus on the oppression that these women experience before, during, and after incarceration." Taught by Prof. Jose-Kampfner, this course almost seems to invite students to sympathize with felons. Good God, that's just what we need, people feeling sorry for arsonists, murderers, and thieves. Wonderful.

7. LINGUISTICS 211: Introduction to Language.

This course appears to be a decent course, in the beginning, but I will admit to having sincere doubts about the latter parts of the course; specifically, "we will then review major aspects of language structure (sounds, words, sentences) and apply them to current dialects of English such as Black English ... What is "Standard English" and is it better than 'dialects' of English?"

I would argue students are better served by Lingustics 210, a close counterpart to the course, but a decent study of linguistics. Of course Standard English (American English), or the Queen's English, is better educated people speak Standard English. It makes one appear intelligent and may even be a factor in getting a job. This leads us to the question of "dialects" in English. It is insulting to refer to "Black English" as a dialect, as it infers that all blacks speak it. This is, of course, not true almost all the blacks I have met speak Standard English. What is currently called "Black English" could be called "Uneducated English," as far more whites speak it than blacks, and anyone who does speak it is usually the product of a failed education system: the excess mispronunciation of words, the flagrant use of double negatives, etc., that could have been halted with a decent English class or two.

6. ENGLISH 411: ART OF THE FILM: (Prison and the Artist)

A course appearing in "Ben's Worst of Winter" list two years in a row, this abhorrent offering in the English department can be repeated for credit with permission. A friend of mine was denied the chance to repeat Shakespeare for credit; two to one says he could have taken this. This course will "address prison reality and culture," by which I assume the students will learn about really disgusting things, and I'll also take odds that the "Under Lock and Key" section in MIM Notes is used as course material. Avoid this course with extreme prejudice.

5. HISTORY 111: MODERN EUROPE. / HISTORY 161, U.S. 1865-PRESENT. (tie)

The History Department has really done a surprisingly good job this year of at least seeming to present a decent offering of courses, with many fine offerings. However, History 111 is still being taught by Prof. Robert (yes) Frost, and I had the unfortunate experience of taking the course. In my humble opinion, the course glosses over the important issues. It covers such hot-button issues as 'the making of modern gender and racial differences', 'the position of women in European society', and 'the ways that people in the past invented their worlds, their sensibility, and their sexuality' and less on unimportant topics such as 'the revolutions of the 19th and 20th centuries' and 'war and society.' You focus a lot more on the sociological than on the historical, and it really is the ideal student trap the second in an intro. sequence for History majors.

4. COMM. 474: Mass Communication and Identity.

Special attention is given in this course "to the ways in which the mass media can create, sustain, or alter ethnic culture or subcultures." Now look. This is equivalent to saying that The Cosby Show can create, sustain, and alter at will a portion of the American people. The only people it would alter would be people dumb enough to take F/V 365 noted above.

3. UNIVERSITY COURSE 150, Sect. 005: Good Books, Bad Movies, and the Perception of Medicine.

Grading for this course consists of instructor and peer evaluations of participation in both discussion and group projects, which screams to the fact that there will be little actual work done. In addition, students will also present group analyses of episodes of Chicago Hope and ER. They will also watch M*A*S*H and Gross Anatomy (the "bad" movies suggested). They do read a few decent books, but I find it deplorable where the creations of mad television executives become the basis for a class. "This course demands student participation and lively discussion," probably because nothing else is done.

Is there a doctor in the house?

2. RESIDENTIAL COLLEGE 350, Sect. 001: Environmental Education and a Sustainable Society.

This (thank God!) one credit, one-time-only (God be praised!) RC mini-course is associated with the Environmental Theme Semester, another useless, politically correct, no-account sham that only a politically correct academic could think up. It will be "focusing largely" on the work of David Orr of Oberlin College, a "leading educational and environmental scholar." Orr, who will be visiting the Environmental Theme Semester Symposium (April 3 and 4) to deliver a keynote speech (suggested title: The Sky is Falling! The Sky is Falling! AAAAAAAIIIEEEE!) is sure to be typical of the enviro-Nazi ilk that proclaim doom, gloom, and general bad things to happen unless we immediately return to a pre-industrial society.

And finally...

1. ENGLISH 140: FIRST YEAR LITERARY SEMINAR: Sect. 003, Gothic Bodies.

You English professors really have run out of stuff to research, haven't you? This course will make you work but what work! "We shall consider how the Gothic as a genre has been used to express or work through anxieties about sexuality, race, and class ..." I offer English 140, Section 003 as the quintessential mistake of English Departments everywhere: decent literature and even some popular literature along with films (is there an English course that cannot exist without film? I wonder...) are going to be analyzed not for their meaning, but by what they has to do with sexuality, race, and class. God help us.

With classes like these, people are definently going to need the intervention of a higher power if they are to gain any worthwhile knowledge. MR

This article was published in the 21 January 1998 edition of The Michigan Review (Volume 16, Number 6).
For questions or comments, see the Contact Information page.