Serpent's Tooth

In reponse to James Miller's November 25th Daily column, in which he sarcastically portrayed the Review as a "relevant, balanced paper that at least 10 or 12 people read," Serpent's Tooth would like to say that "Miller on Tap" is the perfect title for his column. Miller beer is a flat, watered-down libation which is popular with the unwashed masses, just like Miller's column. It seems that the Olga Savic-bath-water-drinking columnist is in a bit of a rut lately - there are only so many ways you can bash sorority bimbos and frat-boy meatheads. Perhaps Miller should start picking on Residential College pseudo-bohemians and tone-deaf white boys who wish they were talented black musicians. (hint, hint)

With regard to the Daily editorial entitled "Silent Classrooms: Speech codes dull academia's vibrancy" (11/25/98), Serpent's Tooth certainly hopes that it was a misprint when the editorial stated, "Clearly, professors should demean individual students or entire classrooms..." Typo or Freudian slip? You be the judge.

Top Ten Dan Granger Pick-Up Lines:

1. Would you like to play the grown-up version of hide and seek?
2. Would you like to meet the real Big Bird?
3. Not only will I tell you where babies come from, I'll show you.
4. Would you like to color the menu before dinner?
5. I can get you into both PG-13 and R-rated movies.
6. Would you like some candy, little girl?
7. If you liked Tickle-Me-Elmo, you'll love Rape-You-Granger. (Guess what you have to squeeze to get that to work?)
8. I have a Power Ranger in my pants.
9. I'll buy you an ice cream sunday, but I get to eat the cherry.
10. I'll bet your Ken doll doesn't have one of these!

Sorority girls are in mourning over the administration's revocation of Granger's admission to the University. To show their dismay, they will be sporting their tight black "get-a-man" pants at half mast. Of course, they all do this after a few Seabreezes at Scorekeepers every Friday night anyway.

With the election of several thuggish DAAP members, it is clear that the MSA now stands for Michigan Socialists' Assembly. Now that Jessica "Miss White Liberal Guilt 1998" Curtin has been elected to the MSA, will she lose her seat when she goes to jail? DAAP's election proves that you can never underestimate the stupidity of the average voter.

In the aftermath of the November elections, the media has already annointed Texas Governor George W. Bush as the GOP frontrunner in 2000. Wouldn't that be ironic commentary on the Clinton Era - 8 years of Clinton surrounded by Bush on both sides...

Jack Schillaci, The Human Xerox Machine

We always knew that quality writing and original thought were never priorities of the Michigan Daily,but it seems that things at 420 Maynard St. have sunk to a new low. Apparently Daily Editorial Page Editor Jack Schillaci "creatively borrowed" the concept for his October 6th column about the television show 60 Minutes entitled "Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick..." from a piece which appeared in George magazine several weeks before. Our gimlet-eyed staff writer Andrew Golding first noticed the similarity.

The George piece, by Josh Young, described the show's history, profiled its cast, and talked about the upcoming spinoff series 60 Minutes II. Schillaci's column was essentially a condensed version of the George piece, with a few personal anecdotes included in an attempt at "originality." When we asked Mr. Schillaci if he looked at the George article when writing his own, he said he might have "had it handy."

Here's a side-by-side comparison of a telling passage:

This article was published in the9 December 1998 edition of The Michigan Review (Volume 17, Number 5).
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