Serpent's Tooth

In a Daily editorial titled “Wait for What?”, our slightly more liberal friends at the Student Publications Building demonstrated their clear ignorance of the value of a human life, by claiming that 24 hours is too long to wait between when a woman talks with her doctor about an abortion, and actually goes through with it.

Serpent’s Tooth has decided to prove their madness, using nothing more than numerical data, with this little table:

Object of Your Desire    Waiting Period

Executing Mumia Abu Jamal

for the killing of Officer David

Faulkner in cold-blood..............18 years and counting

Remaining on the infamous

U-M Wait List to see if

you’ll get in. 3–9 months

Waiting for a subscription

to your favorite magazine

to start........ 6–8 weeks

Waiting for the next

jam-packed issue of

the Michigan Review.. 2 weeks

Purchasing a gun......... 5 days

Getting your book from

Amazon.com 2–3 days

Killing your baby........... 24 hours

Sorority Girl .. 5 minutes 

(depending on the amount

of fuzzy navels they’ve had)

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Top 9 Bumper Stickers Seen by Review correspondants in Washington D.C.

9. Voote Qwayle! He’s suports pubic skools!

8. Hillary 2000: More balls than Bill

7. Vote Forbes 2000: Because no one else will

6. Buchanan 2000: Because he’s Reich!

5. Bush 2000: He’s coked up and ready to govern!

4. Thurmond/Helms 2000: Don’t Waste 200 Years of Experience

3. Love a Democrat! Whoever heard of getting a good piece of elephant?

2. Nixon 2000: Still not as stiff as Gore.

1. Comrade Gore for President! He’d be the best President China ever had.

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After hearing about the activities of BAMN activist Jessica Curtin, one father of a Review reporter (an individual who, in his youth was a Socialist Labor Party activist, and general 60s lefty) offered the following comments: “Government agent, definitely. 10, 15 years after college I ran into all the activists I knew in college. They were all working for the CIA, FBI, NSA, etc. Who else would spend so much time on such crazy work?”

In a recent office poll of Review staffers on who is the best Stooge, Curly came in a resounding 1st, with Shemp a distance 2nd, and close behind, Luke Massie.

* * * * * *

For as long as any of us can remember, fire alarms have gone off on BAMN’s “Day of Action,” thereby turning their “rally” of a couple dozen people into what looks like a huge mob of affirmative action proponents on the Diag.

The Michigan Review is conducting its first ever Day of Inaction Fire Alarm Pool. Here’s how it works: Over e-mail (editor@michiganreview.com), Review readers may send in their best guess as to when the fire alarms might go off in Angell Hall on October 21st, this semester’s Day of Inaction. The winner will have his or her name immortalized on the pages of the next Review.