Five Classic College Videos
What to rent when you're bored and dateless

By Michael Austin

When the academic year is in full swing, chances are your definition of "going out" will be "leaving your room to go to the library." Before school starts, go rent one of the classic college videos, so as to be completely prepared for what you will soon face. What better kind of movie is there to watch than one that involves college students partying, drinking, and doing all sorts of other things that are quickly forgotten when there is a paper due at 8 a.m. the next morning? Here are five movies, all with college themes. In case you have no idea what real college life is like, there are handy outlines of the realistic and fantastic elements in each.

National Lampoon's Animal House (1978): Faber College's worst fraternity, the Delta House, fights Dean Vernon Wormer, ROTC, and the snob fraternity, Omega House. Highlights include the homecoming parade, John Belushi, and the toga party.
Reality: Either fraternity could be one of a number of real-life houses. Furthermore, every character in the movie resembles somebody you know. Also, no one can party like John Belushi.
Fantasy: Contrary to popular belief, sororities do not get into pillow fights in their underwear.

How I Got Into College (1989): High school senior Marlon tries to overcome a low grade point average and bad test scores to follow local smart girl Jennifer to a small Pennsylvania college. Meanwhile Jennifer has to contend with her overbearing parents, who insist she attend their alma mater, our very own University of Michigan. This film puts an amusing twist on every aspect of college admissions, including test preparation schools (featuring Phil Hartman), admissions officers, and the "two men, A and B" test questions.
Reality: Many people have chosen schools for far worse reasons than romance. Everything else is hard to judge, since high school will soon seem like some strange, distant parallel universe.
Fantasy: No matter how much they like to pretend otherwise, schools want people with good numbers. Additionally, a small liberal-arts school probably does not consider race as a factor in admissions, which is only possible in movies, California, Washington, Texas, Lousiana, and Mississippi.

Revenge of the Nerds (1984): Freshmen outcasts Robert Carradine and Anthony Edwards are bullied and beaten by the jocks of the Alpha Beta fraternity. In retaliation, they form their own fraternity and declare all-out war. A cast of stereotypical characters and a number of raunchy jokes fill out the simple plot.
Reality: Almost every stereotype from this movie can be found on North Campus. As illustrated by recent events at the University of Michigan, jocks frequently bully others by stealing personal items like computers.
Fantasy: Once again, sororities are not really what your teenage imagination wishes they were. Further trips to North Campus will reveal that nerds are much too busy working on EECS 270 to score with women, much less talk to other
humans.

PCU (1994): Animal House adapted to the politically correct atmosphere of the 90s. Jeremy Piven leads his housemates in a never-ending quest for a good time as they battle against leftist political groups, right-wing elitists, and an administration bent on evicting them from their home.
Reality: The intro to the movie almost perfectly re-enacts the Diag scene on any given day. The administration is more concerned about diversity than actual education. The school's legal system, however, is eerily like our beloved Code.
Fantasy: In real life, AAPD would bust any party serving alcohol to minors, and Jeremy Piven would end up in jail.

The Graduate (1967): Although many movies on the American Film Industry's Top 100 list may not deserve it, this film is right where it should be at number 7. Dustin Hoffman plays the role of a recent college graduate who falls in love with a girl, after an affair with her mother. After more than thirty years, this movie still remains relevant to anyone who is confused about their place in the world.
Reality: Everything.
Fantasy: Don't we all wish that Dustin Hoffman never made Ishtar? MR

This article was published in the New Student Issue of The Michigan Review (Volume 18, Number 1).
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