From Suite One:
Naked Mile Runners Must Accept Consequences

In that annual campus tradition, the streets of Ann Arbor will be once again be lined with perverts and pornographers this Friday.  The scum of the earth come out of their hovels once a year to witness that last rites of a once hard working and scholarly senior class all in the hopes of seeing a little skin. This should come to no surprise to those involved.  After all, how often can you a) get an opportunity to make free pornography and b) see hundreds of young viral drunk collage students run around naked?

The sleaze factor that has become so common at the Naked Mile is just a result of that nature of the event.  Quite simply, people will pay to see hundreds of drunken naked 21 year olds patrolling the streets. Nevertheless, students are continually surprised that their bits and pieces are being sold in full action color for only $19.95.  Such a deal.  Granted, they never agreed to make a porno video let alone signed a contract, but then again what did they expect? The streets, by law, exist in the public domain-accessible to anyone and his camera. Some students are invariably angry and ashamed that something so tragic could happen to them.  Yet, were they thinking about this before they ran?  Of course not, they were thinking about pounding down one more 40 and then having the time of their lives.

All of this debauchery (both the runners and the others) boils down to one thing: Personal Responsibility.  As runners, students need to realize that they are going out on a limb.  They should know the consequences and be willing to deal with them after the fact.  Runners have no right to be angry about the repercussions.  They have been warned countless times about the possible consequences, and if they still want to run, that is their choice.  As to the weirdos and perverts, personal responsibility also plays a roll in the event.  If you are a 48 year-old single man who feels the need to masturbate in public has happened last year, then you should expect to be arrested.  No ifs, ands, or buts, about it.   

As far as consequences go, they have varying degrees of justification.  The pornography, although vile and disgusting, is understandable.  But the possibility of runners being arrested is a much more complicated issue.  Since its inception, runners have never been arrested for public indecency, a misdemeanor offence. According to State law, public indecency falls into the same category as molestation and rape, and the guilty party’s name is put on a very public sex offender’s database.  What makes the justification for arresting runners so difficult is the dichotomy between personal liberty and societal standards.  Some argue that because the “crime” doesn’t harm others and has never been enforced in the past, then being arrested for it is unjustified. Others believe that the Rule of Law must prevail, without exceptions.  Despite careful consideration of the issue, we were unable to reconcile these two positions, or distinctly favor one about the other.

Despite all of this, the potential for fun is always there.  The Naked Mile is not supposed to be about sex and debauchery, just pure unadulterated joy.  It’s a celebration with a twist.  But just remember, while you are celebrating, there is always going to be tomorrow, so don’t do anything you would regret seeing on the Internet.  MR

Leftists Have Perverted True Meaning of Take Back the Night

For many years, we have criticized the annual “Take Back the Night March.” We have remarked upon its clear sexism in excluding men, and the nonsensical “all men are potential rapists” rhetoric pervading its speeches. However, until now, we have never questioned the seriousness with which the March’s organizers seek to combat sexual assault. This perspective changed Saturday evening. In the midst of the organizer’s address came pleas for audience members to unite in defense of affirmative action and other causes. A mere glance at the rally’s attendance turned into a “Who’s Who” of the campus activist scene-from the Israel bashers to BAMN to the anti-pornography activists. However, by broadening the march and protest to seemingly include all these disparate causes, the organizers cheapened their message. Far from standing out as an independent, non-partisan defense of women’s rights, the March instead functioned as yet another tired leftist gathering.

Perhaps the March’s organizers didn’t realize it, but one can stand strongly against sexual assault without necessarily wanting to “reverse the decline in minority enrolment” or attend the first court date of the affirmative action interveners’ lawsuit. Yet, by casting the March’s lot with the likes of BAMN, March organizers accomplished two things-neither of them beneficial. First, they destroyed the March’s solitary focus on rape and sexual assault, diverting protestors attention from combating violations of woman’s rights. Second, the organizers probably scared away dozens of potential protestors-individuals who might actively oppose sexual assault, but want nothing to do with any BAMN infiltrated event. In doing so, March organizers perhaps suppressed attendance, doing their own supposed cause a disservice.

Of particular irony at the march was the presence of the campus’ pro-Arab and anti-Israel contingent. During a conversation at the march, one of these protestors defended Hezbollah - never condemning their violence against Northern Israeli civilians, including woman. The fact that Hezbollah stands for a Fundamentalist woman-unfriendly version of Shiite Islam comes as a bitter chord at a clearly feminist event.

Interestingly, for a march supposedly concerned with ending violence against women, organizers paid scant attention to the condition of women elsewhere in the world. In the speeches our reporters heard, speakers made no reference to the abhorrent but widely practiced custom of performing clitorectomies on pre-pubescent girls in parts of Africa and the Near East. Nor was any attention paid to the condition of women in South East Asia.

Why? Probably because the March’s organizers have a hierarchy of causes-with a poisonous moral relativism placed directly on top on this pyramid. Although quite content to attack sexual assault in our society, they flinch at demanding equal treatment in the “foreign” cultures of the developing world. This also explains the March’s corruption by other activist causes. In the end, the organizers cared more about advancing liberalism, not liberation from sexual predators. The BAMN-style activists win. The students and worldwide victims of sexual assault receive no justice.