Last week, NASA announced that "2001 Mars Odyssey" would be the name of the next Mars mission. This beat out the public favorite, "2001 Big Waste of Money."

In a related story, NASA also announced “2001 Odyssey Search”  will be the name of the following mission.
 

It was reported that at least three puppies, and as much as 60 birds and hamsters died in a pet store fire at a strip mall in Los Angeles last week. Where's Pee Wee Herman when you really need him?
 

A recent poll indicates that 2 out of every 3 American parents wants schools to teach more sex ed to their kids. Serpents speculates that this is because these soldiers of the sexual revolution can't bear the thought of teaching their own 12 year old daughters about blowjobs and the pros and cons of spitting or swallowing.
 

Scientists are worried over the discovery that the hole in the Ozone is the largest ever.  They believe the cause to be all the hot air generated by the Al Gore campaign.

As we were reminded by the incredibly hard-hitting MTV forum with Gore's intro, Al Gore has smoked marijuana, the most convincing evidence to date that smoking pot does not make you cool.

Vice President Gore almost cancelled his visit to North Campus two weeks ago when he realized at the last minute that the Media Union was a building, rather than a labor organization that was going to endorse him.

The next National Day of Action is going to be held on October 26th. Playstation 2 is being released on October 26th as well. Coincidence?  Serpent's Tooth thinks this is just a sinister plot to make sure all the  Review staffers go to class instead of playing video games all day.
 

A recent study from the University of Western Ontario found that people with bigger and wider heads tend to be more intelligent. Obviously, the researchers have never ever seen a St. Patrick's Day parade, otherwise they would've gotten a real understanding of the true intelligence of fat-headed people.
 

During last month’s visit to New York City for the UN Millennium summit, Fidel Castro actually spoke at the Riverside Church. Maybe he realized that he’s getting old and that all communists will go to hell, but maybe he has other ideas. Below are passages from the newly censored “Holy Bible for the Cuban People.:

“Honor thy mother and father, unless of course, they’re plotting against the government, in which case thou must report them to the secret police.”

”Saul has killed his thousands, and Fidel his tens of thousands”

“Blessed are the meek, for they won’t overthrow the government.”

”The wages of treason is death.”

”’Vengeance is mine,’ said the Great Leader, ‘I shall repay.’”