Evening News Column

by Julian Chu and Obinna "Obi" Anusiem

Here goes another school year. The day students will be gone for a few months, leaving the B-school much emptier. And we probably will have more parking space in the evening too, so no more getting here at 5...at least not for the coming few months. And my salutes to the graduating evening students: you've made it!! And this is also the last time you'll see Obi's writing...he is graduating as well. Congrats, and many thanks for your time and effort in writing this column for the Commerce Park crowd.

Getting half way done with my degree, I'm finding it harder and harder to select appropriate courses to suit my needs. At the beginning of the month when I registered for courses in Spring/Summer term as well as in Fall term, I experienced some frustrations in terms of course offerings and time clashes. Just to give you an example: there are 5 great courses I'd like to take in Fall ­ 5. Obviously, I can't take them all, plus there are time clashes among the 5. The bad news is that most of them are offered only in Fall. How about Spring/Summer term? Well in general, they are not bad. Yet, I have an interesting observation: there is a course with a waitlist of over 70 people!

After talking to some of our classmates with similar experiences, I communicated with Professor Valerie Suslow to get her feedback on the issue. She will be putting together an article particularly addressing the course selection concern in the coming summer issue.

Meanwhile I would like to collect your thoughts / experience / comments / suggestions on the issue. Please do so by sending me e-mail at jhcchu@umich.edu.

Good luck on your finals.

Yes like Julian mentioned, I have finally come to the end of the program. On May 1st, I should be receiving my handshake and a smile. This has been the hardest and most fulfilling thing I have done so far. My experience at the B-school has been quite rewarding. I have had the opportunity to interact and learn about a variety of subjects. And as a writer for the MSJ, I have learned a lot about the bright spots and perils of journalism. Now I know why they say, "The pen is mightier than the sword."

I would like to use this opportunity to highlight some topics that I think are important to the Evening students:

1) Get involved. Believe it or not, the program is more of what the students make of it. Remember that the evening program is not as traditional as the day program, so it is a continuos learning process for all involved. The faculty and staff are open to student comments and suggestions, and they do make adjustments when needed. However, they need the interaction with students. By attending the "Meet the Deans" we are able to provide feedback.

Positions exist for evening students in a lot of groups at the B-school, such as the Monroe Street Journal or Student Government. All that is needed is some effort on your part, and these activities do not take as much time as a lot of people think, nor do they require prior experience.

2) Interact among yourselves. As Evening students, we do not have a lot of time to spend socializing. This does not allow us to get to know ourselves. There are advantages to this, and we need to make the best of them. Organizing a happy hour once a semester will allow people the chance to meet others in the program. There is a wide variety of experience and background in the Evening Program.

3) Be proactive. Some Evening students have expressed interest in doing a lot of things that the day students do, but do not know how to pursue them. From my experience, the best way is to ask the responsible office in the B-school about things that suit your interest. Some evening students have gone on exchange programs, study trips abroad etc. Remember, when starting from zero, you've got nothing to lose.

We are still looking for a student, that attends most of his/her classes in CP to write the Evening MBA news with Julian. If you are interested, please contact me at oba@umich.edu or Julian, jhcchu@umich.edu and we will be glad to answer any questions.

On a parting note, I would like to say thanks to the staff and faculty I met during my stay here. I really did learn something. Especially to the Professor that makes me pause and reflect whenever I write the word, "which". And to my friend in the Finance Department. Thank you for all your help

Thanks to my colleagues in the Evening Program, especially those that struggled through the EAP, Evening Accelerated Program, for the encouraging moments. Guys, what can I say, it can be done and we did it.

To Steve Ellis and the staff of the MSJ, most of whom I have never met, I say thanks. Steve convinced me to take over from him in writing the Evening MBA news when he left in 1997 and the rest of the staff have made me proud to have my articles in the paper.

To the staff at CP, a very big thank you. Thanks for putting up with me, and I was only kidding when I whined about having to pay for transparencies after paying 20K for tuition.

As I move on, I wonder what the future brings. I only know that a lot of it will be shaped by my own hands and I hope that I make the best of it. All I can say is, please stay tuned!!

Obinna "Obi" Anusiem.

P:S The EAP does not exist. It is just a term we made up to identify those that finish the evening program in less than 3 1/2 years

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IMAP explained

Innocents abroad

by Scott Hause and Adam Meron, MBA1s

imap1The Pitch

When you look at the glossy photographs and read the brochures, IMAP seems like a great opportunity. You get to see the world, experience new cultures, taste exotic new foods, all while working on exciting, challenging projects. But be careful, there are things they don't mention in the fine print. Now don't get us wrong, neither one of us would want to be doing process re-engineering in an Flint hubcap factory. We just want to make sure some of the facts were written down for next years class.

The Reality:

Getting to know you

Seems easy enough. Spend seven weeks working side by side with a team of your classmates. What better way to get to really know these brilliant and talented people? You'll not only discuss business and the project, but you expect thoughtful discussions on politics, religion, and other issues of the day. Our team started off on a high point, with "One-Bag, Veteran World Traveler Meron" lecturing the rest of the team on their amateur packing techniques. "Two bags each,...did you guys bring a different outfit for each day?" If you think that got his ire up, one of our teammates forgot his passport, and I forgot my ATM card. Talk about a rant. This was just the beginning of Adam and I truly bonding. Because our team of four split up into pairs to perform our inte rviews, Adam and I got to sleep together for three weeks. Literally...together. Because in Israel, the rooms are arranged so that the two single beds are pushed together. So if after a particularly brutal interview day, I needed a late night hug, or Adam wanted a reassuring spoon, we were all set.

Adam Meron & Scott Hause enjoy the sights in Israel.

We drove over 2000 miles together over a 3 week period, plenty of time to establish each of our opinions on: McDonald's vs. Burger King; if we found Leonardo DeCaprio an attractive man; whether its right that Celine Dion married her manager, a man 26 years her senior who "took her under his wing" at age 12 (a fact we'd learned that morning from MTV Europe's Pop-Up Video); who's hotter, Janet Jackson or Madonna; what we look for in a woman (that's a whole other article); and a full exit critique after our visit to the largest mall in the Middle East ('cause if there is one thing we know in the U.S., it's malls). Not exactly Tolstoy or an afternoon at the literary club here.

The beauty of it all is not exactly the details of what happened, but what we learned from the experience. For instance, with all respect to Susan Mills and the effective techniques she taught us, when it came down to team conflict resolution, nothing was more effective than an old-fashioned ro-sham-bo. Each morning after the wake up call came, we fought it out paper-scissors-rock style to see who got to stay in bed another 15 minutes (or in my case, if Adam went first, 30 minutes).

I'd kill for a Mountain Dew

Maybe its true, you never know what you really care about until its taken away from you. For me, the cross I have had to bear is the lack of Mountain Dew for three weeks. I haven't gone that long without one in over 10 years. Other things me have missed include: smoke free restaurants, good radio stations, ESPN, bagels, and drink specials. The kind of drinking people do here is much more casual, non-liquor based, and not really the focus of their night. They actually like to talk about things other than internships and MAP. (Note to our faculty advisors: not that we've had the chance to really check on this in-depth with working on our project so hard, this is all just hearsay from the hotel staff).

Oooh....La La La..

In this, the culture section of the article, we will highlight some of our more memorable cultural experiences through a series of vignettes:

"Scott, is that man wearing a diaper?", Adam asked me as the 350lb man in silver body paint and a diaper gyrated atop the raised platform in the center of the club. Inside Jerusalem's hippest disco, the party doesn't start until 1am, gets hopping around 2:30am, and anything goes on the dance floor. One of our biggest takeaways this Friday night was the overall lack of dancing skill we observed. We link this to a lack of dance shows on TV here. Imagine no Soul Train, Scene, Solid Gold, or even American Bandstand growing up as kids. What a crime. It's only in the last few years that MTV's "The Grind" has started to reverse this sad trend. (Authors Note: not as if we needed this unfair advantage, as we are confident enough to put our competition honed dancing skills to the test in any country.)

"Dude, you want a bite of my schwarma?" ­Trying to explain schwarma to you is going to be tough. Its like the hot dog of Israel. Think of a falafel with "lamb" or "turkey" instead of the fried chick peas, a cousin to the burrito. I say "lamb" and "turkey" in quotes because like a hot dog (e.g. a delivery mechanism for "pig"), the former animal is not identifiable. Think giant spam on a skewer. After consuming an estimated 17 between us, Adam and I have developed a certain soft spot in our hearts and burning sensation in our stomachs for this all-purpose lunch treat. We'll miss you schwarma.

"Scott is a hunk, a hunk of burning love and MTV Europe kicks ass" ­ It really does. Believe us. We've watched countless hours while working in our hotel room. This, perhaps, will be the hardest thing about leaving Israel. We've come to look at Katja, and Caroline, and Thomas, and all the other MTV VJs, as our little extended family. Our traveling family, so to speak. When Katja tells her audience goodnight with those beautiful blue eyes, we feel like she's telling us goodnight. Personally. It's like a warm embrace every evening before we go to bed. We think, however, we may have a problem. We're addicted to bubble-gum pop music. We begin the day watching groups like Popsie, All Saints, Spice Girls, Aqua, and Anouk. We plan the rest of our days around it. If we are not watching MTV Europe, we are thinking about it. "Excuse me Mr. General Manager, did you say you prefer Spice Girls over Popsie." Life without MTV Europe is made bearable by the bootleg MTV tapes we bought for $3 a piece in Old City Jerusalem. Sometimes when the need for MTV Europe becomes so unbearable, we stop the car, jump out and have a little dance party, getting "Jiggy With It" while Israeli motorists point to us with looks of incredulity. Not because we've stopped the car, but because we dance so well (see above). As to why Scott is a hunk, a hunk of burning love, that has been censored by higher authorities.

Are we lost again?

We came to learn that every politician likes to name a few streets after his/her favorite people. The consequence? Streets that change names every three blocks. Ben Gurion, turns into Disengoff, which turns into Alazorov. "Where are we again Scott?" "No idea Adam, but do you think we should slow down for that military checkpoint? Adam, Adam. AAADDDAMMM, they have guns and they look angry!"

Finding your way through Israel becomes even more challenging as one tries to dodge the various drivers indiscriminately changing lanes. In the United States the white lines are meant to keep the cars separated. In Israel they are merely painted on the roads for aesthetic purposes.

But Seriously ­ The nice thing about getting lost so much is we saw a great deal of Israel. Granted it was all from the car window, but nevertheless, we were treated to an astounding variety of natural beauty; the rolling green hills of the Golan, the glistening waters of the Sea of Galilee, the towering cliffs surrounding the Dead Sea, the azure waters of the Mediterranean, the lush green palm oases in Jericho and Ein Gedi, and the vast open spaces of the Negev and Judean deserts.

Israel is a country of contrasts; a modern country build on an infrastructure thousands of years old. A country where 18 year old soldiers with M16s walk alongside Hasidic Jews and Nike clad teenagers. This is not the country you might imagine from CNN clips, however. The tension is there, but it is a part of life. Almost unnoticeable. What is noticeable is the tremendous growth. It seems like the whole country is under construction. Buildings being erected. Roads being built. Companies being started. That's the reason our IMAP team is here. It hasn't all been Schwarma and MTV. We've actually been working.

Incubators??...You mean for chickens?

As part of its economic development and immigrant absorption, Israel created a system of 26 technology incubators scattered around the country. One of the initial goals of the program was to give the thousands of Russian immigrants arriving in Israel in the early 1990s a place to work and, hopefully, leverage their immense intellectual capital to create the next Microsoft or Oracle.

The metaphor of an incubator is a good one. Think of an incubator as a place where ideas are nurtured into stand-alone companies and products. Michigan has been sending groups of students to Israel for three years to write business plans for these new companies. This year, a decision was made to study the whole incubator system.

One goal of the study is to benchmark the system and identify key success factors. Another goal is to continue to build a Michigan competency in business incubation. A concurrent Global Projects team has been working for the Croatian government helping build a system of incubators throughout the country.

So, as we wrap our project, writing summaries in our hotel room we pause to reflect on our experience thus far. Yes, we've learned a great deal about business incubation. But more than that, we've learned about a culture and we've learned about each other. I've learned that Scott talks about his woobe in his sleep and never goes anywhere without the stuffed teddy bear he's had since he was two. I've learned how to avoid Israeli drivers while talking on the mobile phone and deciphering street signs. Most importantly, we've been exposed to a country and a culture whose history has spanned thousands of years. We've come to appreciate the complexity of its history, not from television or newspapers, but from speaking and discussing the issues with the people who are involved. We leave with a new appreciation and awareness for a country that has been our home for three weeks. Not something you would expect when you read the glossy brochure at the beginning of IMAP, but something we take away as the most memorable experience of our first year at Michigan. Shalom.

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What is MAP?

By Christine Parlamis

Michigan has risen to the #2 business school ranking in large part to the MAP program. What is MAP? The last seven weeks of an MBA's first academic year is spent consulting on-site with companies. Companies around the world invite Michigan MAP groups for 7 weeks of hard-core business problem solving.

Through the genius of the Michigan MBAers (ahem), companies quickly watch their problems disappear. In turn, students are exposed to: consulting, problem solving, team-work, task managment, formal presentation, business case writing. What better way than MAP to apply the classroom knowledge gained over the B-School year to their MAP projects?

MAP is to UMBS what residency is to Medical School. You wouldn't want to go to a doctor who hasn't done a residency. Likewise, you wouldn't want to hire an MBA who doesn't have any real world business experience. Unlike certain other B-Schools, Michigan makes sure every st dent who gets an MBA can go out into the world and be worth the salary they are going to earn. Go Mapping Blue!

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Short story

Merlin the Tinker

by Jenny Lasser, MBA1

As I move farther away from my family, there is a proportional increase in my interest in fabric. Maybe it is the softness, comfort, texture, and richness of color that reminds me of home and of family. Maybe, like arms, the material envelops and protects, without letting the cold in. Maybe the connection is more literal than I like to imagine ­ I am longing to touch the fabric of my being ­ that from which I am made.

For whatever the reason, as soon as I moved to the tiny Northern California town of Mendocino, quilted squares, downy clothes, and soft dolls danced in my head. I needed to work with fabric, and couldn't get started fast enough. Part of the longing may have been just to use the sewing machine ­ itself, steeped in the tradition and longevity which I craved. My grandma's old Singer was given to my mom as a wedding present over 25 years ago, and then given to me just recently.

But the old Singer is old, and had been breaking my heart with every missed stitch and gnarled bobbin thread. It had a creaky, broken foot pedal and a wall plug that had to be bandaged with scotch tape just to get the electrical juices flowing into the machine's rickety parts. When I used it, I felt like I was taking care of a friend's dog that is way too old ­ I was struck with the paralyzing fear that I would be the one who killed it.

One day I decided to get the thing fixed, no matter what it cost. I figured I would have to drive the three hours back to San Francisco, but looked in the Mendocino County Yellow Pages anyway, just in case. Under 'Sewing Machine Repair' were two lines;

Merlin the Tinker: I fix anything.

Caspar. 937-5261

What luck! Caspar was just 5 miles away. I didn't know that people really even lived or worked there, though. Mendocino, with population 400 was the thriving metropolis around these parts. I gave Merlin a call and he said he was available until 6 p.m. that night, and told me to come by. I got directions and hopped in the car, my whimpering sewing machine by my side.

"There's only three buildings in the town of Caspar, and I'm the third one. There's a big sewing machine on my roof. You can't miss me," was what Merlin had said. He was right. The Caspar Inn, Little Bear Press, and Merlin the Tinker are the sole inhabitants of Caspar. I lugged the machine up to the front door (it is his house and office, both) and rang the Tinker Bell.

A little bespectacled man ­ kind of like a gentle, old rabbi, kind of like a full-grown gnome ­ came to the door and showed me in to the impeccably ordered, but old and dusty front room. In between the ancient mahogany cupboard that held a myriad boxes of bobbins, screws, parts and pieces, and the squeaky old leather reclining chair where I placed my self, sat a super high-tech Sony sound system that belted out Klezmer music.

He seemed anxious and happy to get his hands on my sewing machine. He hummed and screwed and smiled and peered and peeked all at the same time. Merlin the Tinker had certainly found his passion in life. Simple and perfect ­ this was the life that he wanted more than anything in the world. I felt it as soon as I walked in the door.

Another woman didn't ring the Tinker Bell, but walked into the big room just a minute after my entrance. Merlin wheeled around, shocked to find a total of three whole people in his room at once. He looked a bit claustrophobic. "Are you together?" he asked, uncomfortably. "No," replied the woman. "I have two cameras here that are broken. You looked at one last year and said it was fixed but I haven't used it all this time, but it doesn't work now. And this one here won't..."

"Stop! Now I am working on something else right now. You just leave them with me. I can find what is wrong ­ that is my job. Now here is your slip and you really must go!" He said all this very quickly and quite flustered, all while shooing her out with his arms and shaking his head as he focused his eyes on the faded patterns of the purple and maize rug.

I sat silently in the chair, resolute not to disturb him anymore, for fear of getting shooed, too. But as soon as the woman's car pulled away, he turned to me and smiled, "I've had problems with her before. Pushy! Pushy!"

I was instantly relieved. He worked and I studied the room in silence. A little of everything. Some old Russian-looking vases. Pictures of the San Francisco Bay before a bridge spanned it. Models of airplanes and other flying contraptions. I finally mustered enough guts to ask my favorite question, "So, how did you end up in Mendocino?"

"Oh, I walked here. But not straight here, mind you. I walked for three and a half years. I didn't really know I was coming here -- I was just walking. But when I got to Mendocino, I felt like I was done walking."

The question of why people come to this tiny coastal town in the middle of the California wilderness always reveals incredible stories. No one ends up here by accident, or because they had no where else to be. The people who are here want to be here with all there heart, and can't imagine life any other way. I had already heard the story of the Nobel Peace Prize-winning physicist who does plumbing locally, and that of the former CFO of a major fortune 500 company who now does people's taxes for $50 a pop from his office on the corner of Lansing and Little Lake. But I had never heard, "Oh, I just walked here," before.

Merlin the Tinker went on to tell me his story, never once looking up from my sewing machine, only pausing a few times to shuffle through little boxes for just the right doodad.

"I always loved fixing things ­ taking machines apart, putting them back together. As a kid, I took apart the toaster, the radiator, or the radio at my house when I was bored. Ah! How my mother would scream at the mess!" he mumbled to himself with a faint Brooklyn accent, chuckling under his breath.

"When I graduated from high school, I went into the army and got to work on all kinds of new machines like radar systems and airplanes. When I got out the army, I got a job working on planes for Lockheed.

"One day, in the lunchroom, over the coffee machine appeared a little sign that said, Computer Programmers Needed. All employees welcome to take the qualifying exam. Test duration: 4 hours. You can take the exam on company time. I remember thinking, 'What's a computer? What is a programmer?' Keep in mind, this was in the early 1960s. But I would be paid to take the test, so why the hell not! In fact, everyone in the company was thinking along those same lines, because 4000 people showed up to take a test in order to be something no one knew anything about.

"I went into the conference room set with tables and chairs. They handed out a 1/2 inch thick test booklet and a little long skinny answer sheet with ABCDE spaces to pencil in your answers. As the test -giver rattles off his instructions, which I cared nothing about, I noticed some little writing in the top right-hand corner -- so small, I don't think I was even supposed to see it. It said, 'R=1, W= -1, B=0'. I wasn't sure what that meant, but I thought, "Well, it could mean a right answer is one point, a wrong answer takes a point away, and if you leave it blank, then they don't even count it.

"I flipped through the book and found a question that looked doable. I worked real hard, checked the answer over and over. Fifteen minutes into the 4 hour test, I turned my test in and walked out of the room.

"I was the only person in the whole group to get a score of 100% and I was sent to IBM programmer school for 2 years!"

I howled at his story, forcing him to finally looked up from his work. He gave me a sweet little smile, simultaneously embarrassed and delighted by my ring of laughter. "That is so cool!" I was standing next to him now. "But what does that have to do with walking to Mendocino?"

"Patience. Patience," he blurted. "Are you always this nosy?" We both had forgotten our shyness and etiquette.

"Only when I am in the middle of a great story and can't wait to hear the end!"

"Well, I became a programmer and loved it! Huge rooms filled with blinking-lighted machines to play with. I worked for a big fancy company in Manhattan and became a workaholic. I loved my work and spent 18 hours a day at my job because of the sheer joy it brought me.

"But then the CEO's son, some 18 year old brat, was hired as my boss, and told me I had to take a 30 minute lunch instead of an hour ­ even if I did come in 4 hours before him and stayed 5 hours after he went home. All these rules and regulations got me down. I started to not have fun anymore. And I started to feel sick of New York City, the place I had lived all my life.

"So one day, I got out a little back pack, put in a few socks, a few changes of clothes and some extra shoes, and I left. I left my Mid-town apartment door wide open, with my wallet and all my money right there on the table. I'm sure the place was cleaned out within hours!" This was obviously an image he had rolled over and over in his mind, and received great joy from recollecting it.

"I just started walking north. And within 2 hours, I was in the beautiful forests of New Jersey. I said to myself, 'This amazing forest has been here only a 2 hour walk away from me and I haven't seen this yet? What else must be out there!' So I walked. I walked up to Canada, then back down to the South, through the Southwest and the Grand Canyon and then back up to Canada, then along down the coast of California.

"I never once possessed any money, spent any money, or panhandled for money. I simply went to nice, respectable-looking houses, knocked on the door and said, 'I can fix everything in your house if you'd make me a sandwich.' I'd fix their car, the old leaky washer, the vacuum, and the TV. People would usually be so amazed and thankful, they'd ask me to stay for dinner, then make me a bed in the guest room. Then, after a few days' visit, they'd send me to their friend's house and I'd do the same. All over the country for 3 and half years. But when I got to Mendocino, I just felt done. My life was supposed to be here. So that's my story."

I had a million questions. What did he pack in his one bag? Did he ever feel scared? How did he get food in rural areas? Why did he stop in Mendocino? Did he ever think about going back to see Manhattan? How many pairs of shoes did he go through? Did he see Forest Gump?

But my sewing machine was fixed. The job, and story time, was over. I paid him $40 dollars, and thanked him for the wonderful afternoon and my perfectly fixed sewing machine. I had to at least ask if his name was really Merlin.

"No. I was born Barry Weiss ­ but you can call me Merlin."

I think we all dream that one day, we'll be driving along and suddenly glimpse our destiny. At least I think of it that way. I will hear a big screeching sound, as the whole mixed-up life I've lived up to that point comes to a grinding halt, and a crystal clear, new, and real life begins. But how do we ever find that place or that calling that ends the searching, unless we are searching. Daring, curiosity, and movement are the only things that will deliver us to our destination.

Yes, this is the end. One year down for some of us. The end of school altogether for others. But endings are also beginnings. Don't get too attached to the past, because life is about always moving on.

Have a great summer, and a great life, second-years!

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One Last Time

Market Maiden: Susan Kim, BBA1

by Nicholas Kirk, BBA1

 susan-1  Susan Kim: She's energetic, smart, sexy and demands R-E-S-P-E-C-T. A real 90's woman straight outta Philly. Perfect ending to the column MBA (and BBA) men love.

Name: Susan Kim

Class: BBA 1

Hometown: Suburbs of Philadelphia

Company you are working for this summer, and what city you will be in: Ernst and Young, Philadelphia

Favorite Bar: Ricks

Favorite Drink: Long Island Iced Tea

Best Sport to watch: Men's Lacrosse

First thing you look for in a man: Respect

The perfect man will . . . be taller than 5 ft. 10 inches, good looking, athletic, dark hair, confident (not cocky), genuine, mature, independent, INTELLIGENT, trustworthy, social, attentive, motivated, well- groomed (cleans his room more than once a year), has morals, a sense of humor, personality and most importantly, treats me with respect. Being more realistic, he would be a heterosexual male over 5 ft. 4 inches who would be nice enough to buy me a beer on dollar pitcher night at Ricks.

Will you pursue an MBA? Yes

Will you sign a prenuptial agreement: No, I have no intentions of ever getting a divorce.

Smoke cigars? No

Boxers or Briefs? Clean boxers

Grudge Match: Nick Kirk and Scott Moore; who wins?: Tied

Best way to get in the mood: Wine

Why is Phillly the bomb? First, it's home. Second, it has a strip of clubs and bars on Delaware avenue (I highly recommend Rock Lobster on Wednesday nights). Third, Philly cheese steak sandwiches are delicious.

Ever met Ron "The Hedgehog" Jeremy? No and hope that I never will.

Best part of B-school: Free food or the free T-shirts? Free Food (the T-shirts are always three times the size of me).

Concentration: Finance and Accounting

Cartman: Fat ass or big boned? Fat ass

What I hope to get from my Market Maiden experience: A chance for people to get to know me better.

Did you cry during Titanic?: No

Better boss: Bill Gates or Bill Clinton? Let's evaluate the situation: Bill Gates, a ridiculously rich man. Bill Clinton, a sex fiend that makes minor ducats for a thankless job. Sex: Clinton. Money: Gates. I prefer Gates. Personally, I don't find Clinton remotely attractive

Our final Market Maiden of the year, Susan Kim prefers Bill Gates over the other Bill (Clinton).

.All Market Maiden photos this year have been by Chopo Gomez. Look on his web site for back pics,


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Almost two hundred and fifty graduating MBAs turned out for the first annual Night on Your Town event. Sponsored by the Alumni Relations office and the Global Blue Alumni Network, this fun-filled evening was for students to meet other classmates who will be in the same city after graduation.

With so many people responding, the group had to be split between three restaurants. At the Gandy Dancer, New York, Boston, Philadelphia, Atlanta, Baltimore, and Washington D.C. were represented. At Zanzibar, students moving to Chicago and the midwest dined and enjoyed the food. At Gratzi's, students moving to the west coast and internationally dined.

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Call The Doctor ASAP!

Battling those pesky & dangerous college viruses

by Akanni Odle, MBA 2

Doctor - Cartoon 1As graduation fast approaches, it is important to reflect upon the good times and bad times we have experienced here at the Michigan Business School. Some of us will remember the various biological and technological viruses that we contracted during our two-year tenure. The following is a list of the most memorable viruses that I have experienced and/or witnessed among my fellow classmates.

Pentiumitis: Disease is characterized by excessive computer addiction. Symptoms include surfing the Internet until 4 a.m., engaging in 4-hour CD-ROM game sessions and relying on chat rooms to meet potential dates. No known cure at this time.

Assitis: A highly contagious syndrome prevalent in corporate America and universities. Symptoms include complimenting professors and supervisors on their work and taste in clothes, running non-work errands for such individuals, inviting such individuals for after-work drinks and publicly praising these figures during meetings and classes.

GOODitis: Also known as get out of debt job syndrome. Symptoms include taking high paying jobs in the banking and consulting industries on a very short-term basis.

Bonusitis: Inflating signing bonus figures in order to impress peers. Also known as Keeping up with the Jones's syndrome.

Gunneritis: Very prevalent on business school campuses in Philadelphia, Boston, Ann Arbor and Palo Alto. Symptoms include reciting Harvard Business School articles verbatim during class and severe irritation of the vocal chords.

Presentitis: Can be contracted from attending too many corporate job presentations. Symptoms include eating excessive amounts of cold cuts, pizza and celery sticks while simultaneously talking with company reps about corporate strategy issues.

Freebitis: Condition usually develops two weeks after contracting above-mentioned Presentitis syndrome. Symptoms include collecting excessive amounts of free corporate goodies during corporate presentations. Condition is very difficult to cure and lingering aftereffects of this disease include large amounts of promotional goods stored under kitchen sinks.

Multipersonalitis: Condition reaches its peak during the fall recruiting season. Symptoms include persuading recruiters that one is interested in all business disciplines including Marketing, Finance, Operations Management and Corporate Strategy. This condition is also known as Jack of all Trades syndrome.

Signupitits: Closely related to the Multipersonalitis syndrome. Usually occurs four weeks into the fall recruiting season. Symptoms include signing up for all available recruiting schedules including those outside of one's career focus. Patients who simultaneously experience symptoms of Signupitis and Multipersonalitis are urged to contact OCD office as soon as possible.

Palmpilotis: Very new condition. Rapidly spreading among managers in the 25-35 age cohort. Condition has reached epidemic proportions among students attending certain business schools on the West Coast and Midwest. Symptoms include abandoning personal planners and calendars and using mysterious black electronic devices to record appointments and assignments.

Travelitis: Very close relative of the Bonusitis syndrome. Symptoms appear six to eight weeks after receiving job offer. Diagnosis is confirmed when patient start planning cruise vacations, safari trips to Africa and two-month European holidays. Patient is urged to contact reputable financial planners if symptoms become excessive.

Caritis: This infection usually appears in conjunction with Travelitis. Symptoms include test driving expensive automobiles and collecting numerous car and SUV brochures. The most effective treatment for caritis is attending a financial planning seminar.

Absentitis: Very prevalent on college campuses following student's return from Spring Break vacations. Symptoms include missing classes and showing up solely to hand in homework assignments. Only known cure is graduation.

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