Sexual Assault Prevention and Awareness Center
Information >Dating/Domestic Violence >Are You Abusive?
Abusive behavior can only be stopped if the abuser decides to change and seek help. Alternatives to Domestic Aggression (ADA) is a local batterer intervention program that specializes in working with men to stop their use of abuse or battering. Their website states, "Battering is NEVER justified, excusable, provoked, hereditary, out of control, accidental, or an isolated incident. Battering is not caused by disease, diminished intellect, alcoholism/addiction or intoxication, mental illness or any external person or event. The batterer is responsible for his behavior, NOT the person who is the target of the battering. The following are some questions to ask yourself about whether you are abusive.
Here are some questions to ask yourself:
- Do you constantly check up on your partner (where s/he is, who s/he is with, etc.)?
- Are you jealous and/or possessive of your partner?
- Do you criticize or insult your partner?
- Have you threatened your partner or broken things to frighten her/him?
- Have you abandoned your partner or threatened to abandon him/her in a dangerous or unknown place?
- Have you driven too fast or recklessly specifically to frighten your partner?
- Have you kicked, hit, thrown down, shoved, choked, or thrown objects at your partner?
- Do you think that your actions were provoked by your partner’s behavior?
- Have you blamed your violent behavior on drugs or alcohol?
- Have you forced your partner to have sex or perform sexual acts against her/his will?
- Have you scared or intimidated your partner so that s/he is afraid to say "no" to sexual activity?
- Have you threatened to harm your partner or yourself if s/he breaks up with you?
- Do you believe you are entitled to hit your partner if s/he does or says something that you do not like?
If you have answered "yes" to any of these questions, you may be abusive to your partner. Abusive behavior can only be stopped if the batterer decides to change and seek help.
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