Alternate Definitions
The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are this year's winners:
Intaxication (n.): Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
Reintarnation (n.): Coming back to life as a hillbilly
Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Foreploy (n.): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
Giraffiti (n.): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Sarchasm (n.): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
Inoculatte (intr. v.): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis (n.): Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis (n.): A degenerate disease.
Karmageddon (n.): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
Glibido (n.): All talk and no action.
Dopeler effect (n.): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when They come at you rapidly.
Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
And the pick of the literature:
Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
My friend Kelly, also a word junkie, was inspired by this list and created her own word:
Leftovaries: What Hannibal Lector eats the day following a very large supper.