Boy, did we have fun!
Early in the show...everyone is mesmerized by the fabulous vocal performance of the two largest women in the Kodak Theater: Catherine Snobby Jones and Queen (my new hero) Latifah
A wonderful depiction of the Jeans-n-Tiaras theme
Ciara starts a trend, smarmily accepting her Oscar for best performance by a bath gel.
Kathy Sch: What am I supposed to do with this thing?
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Sunday, March 23, 2003 The T.V. comes on at 12:00 noon. If there is no Oscar coverage yet then, the videotapes from past Oscar shows will be plunked into the VCR. (You think I'm kidding? I've got every minute back to 1998, baby, and it is with great shame that I say it only goes back that far). If you come at noon, you are a TRUE Oscar lover. But don't expect me to be fully clothed or showered by then. I'll probably be cleaning the house in my jammies. |
At 3:00, we tune to E! Surely they will have last year's Red Carpet stuff, or something. How could they possibly call themselves "The Entertainment Channel" if they don't begin to broadcast Oscar-related stuff by then? If you arrive by 3:00, your level of dedication is admirable.
At 6:00, we can realistically expect some of the nobodies to arrive on the Red Carpet. If you arrive by 6:00, you are a lightweight. I bet you can't even name 3 of the last 5 winners for Best Picture. You suck.
At 7:00, you can expect to see Oscar-themed food listed on the statuette above. Nothing will constitute a whole meal (unless you are, yourself, a waifish nominee), but the snacks will be bountiful. Soft drinks will be provided, but if you want to drink anything harder, bring your own please. If you arrive by 7:00, then clearly, you are only in it for the food.
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Finally, at 8:00, the heavies arrive on the Red Carpet. You must finalize your ballots by then. You will score your own ballots throughout the show, but your pens will be taken away at 8:15, and you will be given a different color ink for scoring. I have learned that when it comes to the Oscars, cheating is inevitable. At 8:30, absolute silence must descend upon 5691 Munger. If you are a talker, then you will be relegated to the 13-inch T.V. in the basement, where it is a comfortable 59.4 degrees year-round. This year's prize for the most correct guesses on the ballots: $20 gift card for Bath & Body Works. Tie-breaker questions will be asked prior to 8:15. Click on Oscar to go to the home page of The Oscars and do your homework: |
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Go to Betsy's Oscars main page
