The Life and Times of Auntie Sarcastic

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Pooping cash

A Harrowing Babies-R-Us experience

Big Willie and the $1,000 pizza

Two Swedes walk into a balloon store...

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Pooping Cash

My niece, Shawna, swallowed a coin from the piggy bank when she was about 11 months old.  It might even have been two-year-old big sister Elayna who fed them to her.  Elayna is already following in Auntie Betsy's footsteps, as this is the kind of sibling affection that I commonly showed for my brother (their dad) while growing up.  Sure, it all starts with feeding small objects to toddlers, but like most siblings, we eventually graduated to full contact sports.  I was almost four years older and twice his size, so he always came home full of bruises and resentment.  Thank goodness I moved away before he reached his growth spurt in grade 10.  At this stage in our lives, I don't think I could outrun, outwrestle, or necessarily outwit him.  (Who am I kidding? I wouldn't stand a chance). 

But I digress.

Sean and Celina (my sister-in-law) took little Shawna to the ER, and the doc said it's pretty common.  The X-rays indicated that she should be fine; they just had to wait for the coins to pass. Yes, this means they had to check her diapers to see if the nickel was in her turds. They were on poop patrol for several days.

Mom wrote to me 3 days later: "Shawna finally pooped out a nickel last night!  Celina sounded relieved."  (Imagine how Shawna felt).

Wow, if only scientists could isolate the gene for making babies that crap money.  Even I might reconsider my pledge to remain child-free if I could create one that crapped cash. I'm convinced there's still a dime in that little colon somewhere.  If more comes out than went in, then I'm going to buy an ovulation prediction kit first thing in the morning and tell Derek to go pick up some Viagra.  We've got work to do.